You referenced the 4th reason in two of your first 3 reasons:

So yes, the Mini is slow. In fact, I remember one particular situation where I was driving up a rather relaxed grade, a grade so relaxed that you might attempt to use it to go sledding only to discover that it is actually flat, and the Mini was huffing and puffing as it climbed to the top. But on the way down… well,…

Will the Mini fit here...

Premium car-makers, I hope you're listening. I'm using Lexus as an example, but, really, anyone could play this game. A premium Soul. An Acura based on an enlarged N-Box. An Infiniti based on a heavily reworked Cube. A Lincoln designed around a truncated Flex-like car.

You're close. add the 1.9L from the now departed xD, add an 8 or 9 speed auto and hybrid system that drives the rear wheels.

So, what if that boxy, roomy interior was kitted out like the fanciest of Lexii? Leather heated seats, front and rear climate control, panorama roof, rear LCD screens, wood trim, USB jacks everywhere, you see where I'm going. Do it up, all the way.

Lubegard or even MMO will do the same as MOA for a fraction of the cost. He's spot on with the needing to flog VW/Audi DI motors, TDIs are especially notorious, but almost lost me when pitching BG products.

God that chick has really let herself go since Dawson's Creek was cancelled.

I wonder if it was an SC/RS. Love those cars

Dat park job. I'd expect this from a P1 driver with their reusable bags while shouting about the hybrid system and greenness of it all while oozing with pretentiousness

But will it fit a cameraman?

I drive a Dodge Stratus!!!!

Gif. of the year. I could watch it for hours.

Maldonado = simplify, add crashes

I'm not getting video in the link below, but this 4K Gif. is impressive

6. Don't be cheap! Hire someone!

The law is called the "Driver's Privacy Protection Act," and it was signed on September 13, 1994, by President Bill Clinton, who later remarked that he wished he hadn't signed it because "I never would've hooked up with Monica if I knew she drove a Neon."

Or maybe a comparison with vinyl albums is better? The LP was unceremoniously dumped in the early '80s for that modern marvel and sonic disaster that was the compact cassette tape (unless you could afford a Nakamichi Dragon) which was itself dumped for the Compact Disc; the format that has now been usurped by the…

This strange confluence of events will hereby create a neo-manualism to run in parallel with matters post-manual. When cars and the language of literary theory collide the terminology goes haywire. It causes a fracas.

She's not disabled, it's just lower backpain