I don’t like to mention such things in the review proper, but you aren’t far off.

As soon as I saw the Whopperrito, I knew you’d review it. It’s no surprise that it’s not good. And I’d like to thank you (again), for doing what I’d never try. You’re truly a saint to go through such hell with no rewards*.

Burger king + tex mex = diarrhea squared.

There are sooo many contradictory requirements/preferences.

Tom needs to make him narrow it down to the top 5 features they want and top 5 they absolutely don’t want. Then go from there and determine what compromises they’re willing to make.

He definitely sounds like he enjoys making life difficult. I don’t like screens in my cars either, but I’ll be damned if I ever have kids in my car without a tablet on hand.

But is a very good driver, but can't park, but is a very good driver.

The “no screens” thing stood out to me for some reason, sounds like one of those really pretentious yuppie parents who brag about how they don’t let their kids watch TV or play any games.

Yes. I would love to sit face to face with him giving these attributes, then go “one word... Miata.” Totally straight face. Then when he tries to rebutt, put my finger to his lips and whisper “Mi-at-ta.”

Remote start with an “analogue” key which I can only assume means a piece of metal.

I have driven one, and I must say it checks all the boxes.

Exactly. He wants a spartan cloth interior with analog controls and no driving assist tech... but wants sonar bumper sensors, heated seats, USB and power outlets, a giant sunroof, bluetooth, auto climate zones, remote start, and a built-in dash cam?

His car doesn’t exist. Go buy a base level numbered box on wheels and…

I feel no remorse for this derpasaurus.

Hey can you help me with mine?

This dude sounds insufferable. I hope he steps on Legos every morning.

The winning car sounds like an oxymoron from what I can tell. Just default to, “Miata”? I mean, how do you get remote start and a manual ignition key? How do you get parking sensors but don’t want a rear view camera? Might be good to share with this client that there are tuner software out there and hidden service…

With as retarded of a list of wants as he has, this is the only suitable option.

He wants a bunch of stuff that comes standard with a bunch of stuff he doesn’t want. Sounds like this guy would be happier just building his own car from the ground up.

Should NOT:

You just got Jalop’d and screwed.