Fittingly, Kewan Platt is the only D-III athlete named after the onscreen fight graphics from the Adam West version of Batman.

*eyeroll*

It must suck to have to date in the public eye and have to have reasons for why your significant others look the way they do. 

This. My wife thought getting a sous vide was stupid. Then I made some nice thick steaks and they were completely uniform medium-rare from seared-surface to seared-surface. She changed her opinion.

the way Luka’s getting knocked around you’d think they hired Suzanne Vega as a coach

I worked with his dad for a while. He drank three beers at lunch once when we all went to Chili’s.

Screw that. I’m plopping that bitch in a plastic bag and into the sous-vide for an hour then searing for like 30 seconds a side.

I use cast iron on my glass top all the time.  I didn't know we weren't supposed to...

So, as an experienced parent, what are the best children’s’ activities to re-live as an adult, that take you right back to being a kid again?

I’d much rather to listen to “We Built This City” than “White Rabbit.”

That’s how Stan would’ve wanted it.

Not sarcasm, he would’ve been extremely cool with it.

The allegory for superhumans being oppressed is always a little rough around the edges, considering Guatamalan refugees can’t explode into fire when threatened. And Muslims can’t shoot deadly spikes from their arms..well the ones I’ve met can’t at least.

Naturally, she approves of their no hands policy.

If all of the players unretired tomorrow, Suzyn Waldman’s head would explode.

There’s a reason they call it a one-arm bandit.

If you can’t masturbate in a bar at 9:15AM in Vegas then where can you masturbate in a bar at 9:15AM at?

I personally hate DST. Daylight past 9PM just seems wrong somehow (unless you live in Alaska). 

MAKE STANDARD TIME ALL YEAR ROUND LIKE IT WAS BEFORE!

Oprah backing bad science? I can’t believe it!

Oprah must be getting paid to promote these. I mean, I've always thought so (except maybe the first year) because how do her many favorite things change every year? But ok there is a 0% chance that her favorite mixed flavor popcorn tin isn't from Garrett's.