I’ve told this story a million times before, and I’ll keep telling it to the day I die. It’s kinda long, but fuck it, I think it’s a good one.

As a Minnesotan (which is pretty much Canada anyway), and a die hard hockey fan, this hurts a lot. The Gordie Howe Hat Trick is the greatest feat in sports, and I’ll fight anyone who disagrees. I will then need to somehow score a goal, and get an assist, but dammit I’ll do it anyway.

New Logo:

The only dirty thing here is Klay Thompson’s goatee, which should be arrested and launched into the sun on some sort of sun rocket. There is no guarantee it will be destroyed. In fact, there’s a good chance that the goatee manages to hijack the rocket and use the sun’s gravity and an altered trajectory to find its way…

You are correct sir, horses have no point.

Whenever your friends suggest an activity that requires a lot of money being spent, suggest something else. If they want to go to a night club, suggest a movie night at home. If they want to go to a ball game, suggest a nice nature hike instead. If they want to go on a trip abroad, suggest spending a long weekend in…

The Mustang owner later apologized, claiming he didn’t actually see the motorcycle, only the rider.

One more win would give him 15 this postseason, tying a playoff record for rookie netminders...the current record-holders are Patrick Roy, Ron Hextall, and Cam Ward.

Crosby ISO cam view of the play being drawn up:

If you had told me that there would be XJs on the Nürburgring, I would have assumed that you were talking about Jaguars...

A simple solution: Appoint an independent counsel to investigate the problems at Baylor. I nominate William Jefferson Clinton.

Marlon Byrd. A land-animal middle name away from hitting for the rare animal name cycle.

My kids were watching the Peter Pan one a couple of months ago and, when it finally ended and I got up to turn it off, my four year-old FREAKED out. It was, apparently, a two-part episode. Fuck this show.

You can take my air conditioner from my pleasantly cool, comfortable fingers.

He was later devoured by Bartolo Colon.

At 92, he thought he’d lived a full life. Now, he can add getting Steve Clemenger’s autograph to that bucket list. Box.....checked.

Giddyup!