I might actually have been convinced to try this, if the phrase “plop satisfyingly” had not been deployed to describe it.

He put out a terrible album mid-90’s that I unfortunately had to promote. The band was called “P” which is appropriate because that’s what he looks like he smells of.

I don’t care what KK does one way or the other, but wouldn’t it be a brilliant PR move for her to get Kanye to donate 1 million dollars to mothers living below the poverty line who get no paid maternity leave as a “push present”?

I blame the English language. It’s not Natasha’s fault that “All you can eat” can be singular or plural (and boo to Denny’s for taking advantage of the ambiguity). This wouldn’t have happened in Shakespeare’s day. When the tavern had an “All thou canst eat” special, everybody knew it only meant thee, not thy whole…

Calling Trump’s hair a wig is an insult to wigs.

I think she’s a bit like those greetings cards labelled BLANK INSIDE

“Trump: the narcissistic ex that America deserves.”

My favorite thing about this is how he had to shut up for a second to listen to a woman. Kinja is okay sometimes.

Us between the ages of 45 and 54 are a pretty sad bunch right now. There was such promise and ... pffft. Nothing.

You know why female praying mantises eat their mates after they copulate? Because they know that assholes like this exist.

Cheer up Bills fans. Just because Harvin is retiring from professional football doesn’t mean he can’t keep playing for the Bills.

I don’t even care what their attitude is, I’m just sick of people not wearing actual clothes in public anymore. I have pretty low standards, and I still put grown-up non spandex clothes on before interacting with people who aren’t my immediate family or workout buddy.

Barbara Streisand predicted this; Peeple who need people are the luckiest Peeple.

There’s a fairly simple solution to this type of problem. Hire a few fake trainees to ride with trainers. Let trainers know that this could be happening and fire trainers who don’t know how to act like something other than pigs.

There is just so, so much wrong with the way sex is looked at in the United States. I am completely and totally not surprised that “Senior Salute” and “sexual scoring” exists. While it’s been that way for boys for centuries, girls have their own way of “sexual scoring,” too.

“moment of ‘divine inspiration’” caused him to stop.

EXCUSE ME HAS NO ONE SEEN THE TRAILER FOR SAN ANDREAS???