You can oretty much reference these two before every Salty article going forward.

Impossibolognese!

Dear Sarah,

I feel like this is the reason they made this car.

Starbucks normal cold brew is trash. I could see drinking that and coming to Claire’s conclusion.

Right, are we even drinking the same beverage? Cold brew is one of the smoothest and least acidic coffees I’ve drank. Only outdone by nitro cold brew.

If we put aside the fact that he’s made enemies of some pretty violent folks who will most certainly try to kill him. I can’t imagine being branded a “snitch” and trying to make it in a musical genre that pretty adamantly condemns such actions.

I’m sorry that has ruined turkey burgers for you. Let me assure you that they can be as delicious. I’ll get beef if we go out because it’s safer, but at home we use turkey pretty much exclusively.

Ground turkey is even cheaper than beef for me. 

Homer can easily eat enough to make up the difference.

Area 51 be like:

Thanks a lot Richard!

Okay this sentence was just very confusing

Daniel Johnston was not in The Dead Milkmen

I think it’s because broccoli is fucking delicious especially when roast.

Don’t forget the butter!

I was thinking just out into the inky black vacuum.

Into space.

Addiction was the first thing I thought of.