The dancing dog tho

Good God it’s so difficult to choose my favorites. “Fart-infused lump of raw meat” always made me giggle but I can’t argue with “dusty barrel of fermented peepee” because the word peepee is hilarious

Trump obviously wrote this..uses big words like “unequivocally” and “astonishingly” when not necessary

Lol yaaassss

How is this even a question? 1000% would fuck? Beard? Yes

That’s because Ted Cruz is really just three small children standing on each other’s shoulders

I’m actually rooting for him to keep spouting his garbage flavored garbage so more and more people will accept he’s a joke and not vote for him

When I went to college, I had to peel my mother off me...I’m 30 and if she doesn’t talk to me three times a week she’s SOOOOO offended..it’s a constant battle..ugh

It’s truly cringingly awful to watch

I dont have a screen shot but this was me and momma’s spread for us (two brothers, my nephew and BF) we make enough to bring to our coworkers this weekend (service industry) :)

I’m a bartender in...trust me, there are women that can hold their liquor and drink with the burliest of them..whiskey...and men that drink White Girls (vodka soda splash cran, lime)

I’m still so surprised by her voice whenever I hear it, it’s amazing...and her hands..she has beautiful hands.

Ellie you are hilarious, this is too much!

I definitely did not zoom in nope

Yeah, no, I am for sure #scaredofthedick absolutely especially cause of what they’re connected to

When I’m 85 I’m going to try heroine because..Why not?

That just made it so much fucker sadder. I’m so sad for her.

Why the fuck would I rent a mom when I can’t even get away from the one I have? Like, literally

I wish my mom would stay mad at me long enough to not call me twice a day about birds or my cousin’s divorce or Facebook