In my head I started reading the block quote in Joe Buck’s voice, but after two sentences I got bored and read the rest in Vin Scully’s voice.

I call bullshit on this story. There’s no way Joe Buck has a friend.

Police: “Freeze!”

I’d like to think “oh he did this because he’s stupid” but honestly I think he did this because 1: they’re fucking untouchable at this point and 2: his supporters don’t give a shit, they see nothing wrong with it. When Trump said that he could fucking shoot people and not lose any supporters, he meant it. Strap in,…

Look, they said they had juiced balls. I went to talk to them, but we ended up talking about Russian orphans. That’s it. I swear.

So those Brazilian soccer players in the shower were providing DNA samples for testing?

I was at a Phillies game...

Would have jobbed to Leno, though...

His finishing move is “The Safe Space” in which he runs his opponent over from inside his Prius.

Have him face off with Corey Graves’ brother, who is working a MAGA gimmick down in Mexico, at Wrestlemania instead of Roman fucking Reigns standing tall for the fourth straight year.

The cocaine is a perfect aid to staying awake through a Lana Del Rey set.

I heard Barron Trump calls Robert Mueller “Papa Bob.” People are saying this.

Jason Statham is a hell of a midfielder...

But Scarlett johansson just hasn’t the right physique for the role.

The episode where he pretended to be Tag Romney will never not be funny.

I NEED MORE SCHMIDT ANTICS IN MY LIFE THO

She’s talking about her ass, which black women have been mocked and degraded for having, for decades. We have been hyper sexualized as CHILDREN because of it. It was a mark of such embarrassment for many of us growing up, and I absolutely include myself in that. I was overly concerned with the way my butt moved too…

Looks like Flair's next fued will be with the Repo Man.