This would have been settled peacefully if everybody had been armed.

The snack-bar franchise at that field must be a fucking gold mine.

How about allowing people into the country. It’s pretty fucking enormous you know. I have never understood why this needs to be a walled-off garden. Everyone should have a chance at a better life if they seek it out. Who are you or me to say No, you can’t. What is so amazing and unique about the US that we have to…

The ‘jackpot’ line was the meme-able part of the video, but I was most struck by what an incoherent shithead Terry Collins was.

Seriously there has to be more of these, right? I want to like quit my job and sit down with a cache of them and just tune out the world. Why is this so amazing to me?

There’s always a language truther.

This dude is an A’s fan and lives in Pittsburg, California. He would have been much better off letting one of them dome him and put him out of his misery.

Very surprised at the outcome, since Bryan struck me as someone whose wife hadn’t fucked him for a long time.

Where’s 09 (Benito Santiago)?

In lieu of flowers, please send the name of a good therapist.

Dammit. This wasn’t funny at all. I’m fucking crying.

Thanks Dave.

No one at the press conference followed up with the obvious question: are they referring to Kenneth Branagh’s 1993 version or Joss Whedon’s artier 2012 production?

And then they’ll simply dispatch Zaza to do the exact same thing to LeBron. Or tell JaVale to play him tight and watch him awkwardly step on LeBron’s knee.

Emily... what? Didn’t you just say you live in the Mission? Where are you going in the city where it would take more than an hour to get to by public transit? You are literally in the heart of San Francisco

Who didn’t shoot? J.R.

“JR Smith que pasa???” 

In the the old Batman versus Superman debate, and it always comes down to Batman needing to have everything work absolutely perfectly. All of his traps, all of his plans, all of his equipment has to operate perfectly with no mistakes to even have a shot at beating Superman. All it takes is one slip-up and Superman can…

The saddest part is that he will be able to recall each of these moments perfectly for the rest of his life. Meanwhile J.R. Smith can’t remember the score for more than three seconds.

You’re clearly not actually a Roseanne fan, because you didn’t start your comment with, “First of all, Larry Bird is the best player of all time . . .”