No, not really. Male privilege still exists.

I don't think fairly-enforced school dress codes are necessarily shaming girls, and the leggings debate is just the same as any other debate on this that has been (importantly) rehashed many times. Can't we do both? Ask all children to dress in non-revealing, non-offensive (as in no swear words or alcohol logos on…

Yeah, I don't buy that theory. Yes, racial dynamics differ by gender. Asian American men, because of white patriarchy, are disadvantaged in the dating pool with white American women. Asian American women, because of white patriarchy, are sometimes advantaged, sometimes disadvantaged, and sometimes fetishized. Being…

If you feel that this happens with many women you date, I would gently push back and ask you why? Why does someone close to you asking for guidance strike you as someone not 'thinking for herself' — what judgments might lie under that? If it's just a few random times then yeah, maybe just a poor relationship dynamic.

What particular privilege are we talking about? A hypothetical person could have all kinds of (straight, cis, able-bodied, etc) privilege or not...but in this case white privilege would not be one of them.

I would push back on that a little and ask why having conversations in which you share your beliefs makes you feel like you're taking on a "professor or sensei" role.

Well yeah...that is an awful statement no matter how you slice it. But the extreme examples are always a little easier to tackle. There is stickier territory than that. If an Asian woman just tells her white boyfriend that she doesn't date Asian guys, and that's it — I don't really know if that's a great time for a…

I am also from the Bay Area. (Tacosss pleaaaasseeeee, currently in WI). I am Indian-American and find that most people in my community are liberal and lack these expectations, but there are certainly more conservative pockets. I think you can find those sorts of expectations in any part of the country - NYC, the Bay…

I don't think anyone needs to change my mind either :) But I did want to be clear to anyone reading that my beliefs are not hard-and-fast; they evolve based on experiences and conversations. Sometimes that seems to be a helpful thing to express in conversations on race that get charged fairly easily.

I don't actually know if this is advisable. I don't think having a white guy (if Penabler is a white guy, but this could be general beyond him/her) talk to a woman of color about her internalized racism is necessarily going to play out the way you might hope. Because after all, internalized racism comes experiencing…

I understand. The cultural expectations are not that far off in Indian culture, though I think they've tapered off more in Indian-American culture. That's why I think it's fine for women to have these preferences against dating within their own race/culture if that's what's best for them. It's not inherently racist or…

I'm actually troubled by many dynamics of race and dating. I will date women of any race. I don't know how I feel about dating white men. I have been fairly open about this with a lot of people and most just shrug it off. Race does matter in dating to most people, even if we want to pretend it doesn't. I don't…

Yes. That is sadly true, and very unfair/stupid.

I think the second one might be a big part of it. For example, I am Indian-American, but I have tended to avoid Indian guys on OKC. I am just filled with assumptions about the cultural values they will hold. I don't think that's very far off from "I don't date Indian guys" — it's just a less extreme place on that…

What do you think is going on? Internalized racism? Dislike of particular cultural values, and choosing to avoid them even if they are not actually universally present in Asian (/Asian-American) men? I'm curious.

Its interesting that you have those insights. I have blocked myself from being able to see how others perceive me. It always shocks me when someone makes a comment about how I should change my hair or something, because I largely think of myself as invisible and outside the realm of beauty or ugliness. I'm not sure…

I do not wear my hair up because of my facial hair issue. I do think there are lots of lovely ways to wear curly hair up or down though. I love having curly hair, but I do straighten sometimes for professional contexts.

Thank you for saying this. I hate when people speculate about others' reasons for suicide. I know that suicidality is not always connected to depression or other mental illnesses, but it usually is. And it does everyone touched by mental illness in themselves or their loved ones (aka basically everyone everywhere) a…

Yeah. Math at the higher levels is a lot of men. In undergrad, we (women) were about one-third of the class; in grad school, those numbers dwindle more at the good institutions.

It is exhausting. I NEVER look professional, no matter what I do. I have frizzy hair (it can be straightened but then it looks weirdly limped), and I also have unruly facial hair (I am a woman). The best I can do is imitate professionalism by wearing black pants and some cardigan type thing.