"I have a Marlins car and the largest collection of Marlins memorabilia probably in the United States."

When did Peter Griffin start shooting bear videos??

I didn't think anything in this horrible article could make me laugh, but "I LOVE YOU, BED. HOLD ME CLOSE." has me actually crying from laughing. Maybe just trying to deal with the awful.

He smoked a J;
Then took a P;
And somehow A
Had more than B.

Henceforth, losing one's anal virginity shall be known as popping the Mascherano cherry.

Germany V Brazil - How it Ends

it'd be my pleasure

My favorite part of the article was how Plaschke summed it up at the end.