What have you got against Luc Longley anyway?  Was he some kind of insufferable asshole or something?

Savvy move. Hope he’s wise enough not to fuck up his legacy by trying the NFL.

Exactly. He’s trying to distance himself from himself!  I can’t wait for the tweets where he calls “President Trump” a weak liar, criminal con, etc.etc.

That kid is so damn cute!! I’m glad it wasn’t a human-tailored gene job.

Being named Curly, I am sad to tell you I only have one choice.

I know New Jersey is weird, having lived here for 20 years but I have never heard of a New Jersey Sloppy Joe. Much less a New Jersey Sloppy Joe that is a Reuben by any other name. This one takes the cake for ‘New Jersey, WTF’!

Are we sure he isn’t a Martian and the translator is a little off, like in Mars Attacks?

Good thing we have a never ending supply of fish.  Although a panda would probably give you more biogas per kilogram.

ICE IN A SINGLE MALT???

Well duh, tearing apart boardroom fatcats can hardly be called farming now, can it?

I’d have a hard time calling Hitler a coward, however. He did serve on the front lines and he did get into hand-to-hand street battles with the Communists in the tumultuous days following the collapse of the Weimar Republic.

For fuck’s sake, he almost dropped dead from fright when an eagle looked at him funny. If he heard a gun go off he would definitely keel over on the spot.

Not every sport needs to be basketball.

Good! I hope the little shit meets his untimely demise in jail. I’m not a fan of prison yard justice, seems hypocritical to wish for convicts to mete out punishment that our society is unwilling to, but I’ll make an exception in this case.

I really hope this kid takes over the Democratic party and eventually some much higher office.

Tim Krumrie, Super Bowl 23.  The guy broke his leg but it wasn’t apparent until they showed it in slo-mo, at which point the announcers literally shrieked when they saw how it happened.  Unforgettable.

He’s not smooth enough or religious enough. Keep an eye on Joel Osteen, though.

It is something I’d love to be wrong about.

Since neither of those things are ever going to happen, let’s call it a lose-lose.

White Man’s Burden, eh?  Onward Christian Soldiers?  They did it so it’s okay if we do it?  Explain your rationalization.