“We can’t be racist; some of our best investors are minorities. But only one of each, and yes, we keep count.”

And then I realize I’m totally wrong - in order for the joke to work as a mistake, it would’ve had to be “Gay-Trump-supporting” ... I am wrong, and will leave this here as a testament to my idiocy.

Gay Trump-supporting journalist

Ah yes.  The “if it doesn’t affect me, it isn’t that big of an issue” approach.

To be fair, asking “Why would anyone choose to be a conservative?” is a VERY good question. 

My guess is very bad. Dude more or less told a story you would tell at a funeral. My money is on stroke.
A concussion, it’d probably be a funny story/car wreck and not that huge of a deal to bring up.
He COULD have been in a car wreck and otherwise debilitated, but it doesn’t feel like that.
And his Twitter has been…

I enjoy French toast at brunch but I also make it at home because it’s easy as fuck. Like, I’ve been making French toast for years but only just made pancakes a couple weeks ago for the first time in my life. Special occasion with the lady so I chopped up a bunch of strawberries (ridiculously small slices), tossed…

....what pancake batter leftovers?

At brunch this weekend, I ordered a sandwich made with two slices of hazelnut challah french toast filled with turkey and prosciutto and brie and smeared with syrup and apricot jam. I had a hangover and had gotten mildly baked prior, and eating this thing was a synaesthetic experience; I’m pretty sure I like, heard…

My company gives us $15 a month off our insurance if we go get a yearly physical and report the results to them, previously I’d always thought no way, why bother. This year I did it, never had a regular doctor. Went in for the bloodwork and they told me I had anemia.

We’re all over-reading clues, but I think that whatever he’s up against is not life-threatening even if it is very serious. I say that only because in the original announcement, it was written that he’s “doing well under the circumstances,” and that Deadspin wants “to allow him the time he needs to recover.”

I know this is like nightmare lack of attention stuff, but I really think, for the most part, sports are meant to be watched while kinda doing something else. Back before my Playstation was stolen (by my landlord!), I used to play video game baseball while watching real baseball on my laptop, which confused the shit…

Trump Jr. proposed at a shopping mall in New Jersey as part of a jewelry store promotion, which is the Trumpiest shit that’s ever happened. 

If you’re eating at home, pancakes are the way to go because they are easy to make well and don’t require a big-ass waffle iron.

Melania: Shipping order.

It’s hard to yell at people about going to the doctor when a huge reason a bunch of people don’t go is because they have shit-ass insurance, or they have good-ish insurance but everything is still stupidly expensive and the entire medical insurance industry is fucked.

Sweaty Leg Guy should definitely go to the doctor, because night sweating is generally a hormonal issue (yes, even in men), not a “getting old” thing.

There’s no good reason to order pancakes at a restaurant, though, because the good ones are just good but the bad ones can be really bad and make you spend the rest of the day regretting not ordering biscuits and gravy.

Here are your three Donald Trump proposals:

I should also go to the doctor.