Ice cleared from the windshield

yet we can’t seem to build a Hyundai Accent whose windshield wipers are controlled by a smooth knob that would slowly raise their speed in an infinite number of fine gradations

I guarantee that these are the kinds of dudes who lament the fact that all the literate young people leave Northwest Iowa for Des Moines or Omaha at the very least, if not the Twin Cities or Chicago.

Hmm... can’t imagine why Deckard wouldn’t want to talk about himself? Lemme just ask you a few questions about tortoises and good things about your mother.

You’re that submarine guy who murdered that reporter aren’t you.

If this is real, it’s footage from the most oddly-placed security camera in history. Who puts a security camera at eye level several inches out from a corridor wall?

I mean, I don’t know how much clearer I can be about this (I also don’t know why people dance around making this point): If you support Donald Trump, you’re a bad person.

They tried that. Three of the cops in attendance shot the video screen and a fourth threw a stolen handgun with a missing serial number.

When we practiced the spike at the end of the game at the NFL level, basically everyone treats it as a normal spike the ball, except for one receiver with a route and the QB. That receiver is running the route no matter what, and then if the QB thinks he can get it (defender slow to react, receiver gets a step), he’ll…

I was fine until that last part about having confidence in voters making the right decision, having lived in a poorly-run, bottom of the national rankings, white resentment-fueled one-party state (TX, itself surrounded by other such states) since 1994. It all comes back to that “Burns runs for governor” episode.

“How to Tell If You’re Dating a Psycopath With Jen Waite & Michael Stone”

It took me a second to register that HRC stood for “Human Rights Campaign” and not “Hillary Rodham Clinton.”

Cue a long and angry conversation about how Steve is just asking questions and he isn’t racist. He just doesn’t want SHARIA law to supplant constitutional law and all that.

‘The book was published in 1935, two years before Amelia Earhart’s ill-fated plane took off’

That guy who didn’t invent Cold Fusion also should get one.

If we’re going to treat the first incomplete study of something as gospel, we should give Andrew Wakefield the Nobel Prize in Medicine for discovering that vaccines cause autism.

you guessed wrong. i've worked for a national pizza chain and can tell you, the biggest pizza gets fewer toppings. best to go with large.