What if the wife's not cool with you being side-pieced-up?

That's what cracks me up about these moms that go way overboard on the health foods with their kids. All of the kids I knew growing up who had parents like that would go fucking crazy on junk food whenever the opportunity presented itself. I'd bust them sneaking cookies during sleepovers, I'd see kids running off with…

But it's a Jezebel court, where the moral indignation is imperative.

I want to live long enough to read her child's bitter tell all.

I will take the blame for Goopy. See, in the 90s, we all thought Winona Ryder was the coolest, and this Gwyneth person latched on to Winona, so we thought "Oh, she is probably pretty cool as well!". How wrong were we! But anyway, we Gen X'ers are definitely to blame for her existence.

That Amber Tamblyn thing...

sorry we don't convict people based on the assumptions of morons who get all their information from blogs.

'Innocent until proven guilty' mean anything to you?

...or even charged, for that matter.

...because he's never been convicted of anything?

Hot-damn I love white button-down blouses, although as a curvy lady, I have to style it very differently from these ladies. (It's amazing how thin you have to be to pull off baggy. Scarlett Johansson, being thin but very curvy, looked kind of frumpy in these clothes.)

I see red flags all over the place. The fact that he deleted the emails before you could confirm that he never replied seems shady. He should have been completely transparent and allowed you to check things out for yourself. Trust your gut on this. I know moving out and breaking up isn't easy, but it'll be even harder…

That knee thing may be the stupidest thing I have ever seen in a tabloid and that is a really, REALLY high bar. Or low, as it were.

Well, are we allowed to like this? Or is this awful manufactured dross by high paid pretty women who cannot actually sing?

You know what, I don't actually care. This song is fantastic and I will buy the album the next chance I get, however I will need to Sandwich it between a Burzum and Goatwhore album just to really…

My main takeaways:

Whatever happened to the days when annoyed airport workers cursed over the intercoms, grabbed beers from the drink cart then deployed the emergency chute and slid off the plane that way? I miss Steven Slater.

People who want "A-list" treatment shouldn't be flying Southwest.

Yes, that's why I'd watch it. For the writing.

HOW DOES THIS NOT HAVE ALL THE STARS?!

I wish there were a way to recommend posts more than once. All the stars. All the stars to you.