Why would anyone want to strangle this guy?

Just Google “Bryce harper ejected” you get a dozen incidents of him being a toddler. Ejected for throwing his helmet after gidp, ejected arguing balls and strikes several times a year, he got ejected for cursing at the first base ump in a spring training game for christ sake. He’s a fucking baby and he’s living up to…

All these novelty instruments folks are naming might have higher percentages of pretentiousness, but the all-time champ by total count is, without question, the acoustic guitar.

I got it. No star cause you felt the need to point it out. Way to ruin a great pun thread.

I know almost nobody like this.

Looks like the author graduated college in 2013, so I’m not sure he’s old enough to have seen either as a kid. He certainly missed the ‘90s for the most part to be acting like those who are nostalgizing it don’t know what they’re talking about.

That's what's important here, brah. Your shitty victim complex about your shitty team.

Yeah, but the upside is their free and plentiful in most alleys.

Yeah, but the upside is their free and plentiful in most alleys.

These come with handles so they’re easily portaged by your butler/manservant.

These come with handles so they’re easily portaged by your butler/manservant.

It seems pretty obvious she was trying to be a dick. I guess it’s cool to be a dick nowadays?

I’ve seen the show, if Michael as going to offer his perspective, he would have done it. Kelly forced a response out of him by framing it this way, and not in the most friendly way possible. It went from a conversation about divorce to a personal one, ‘Would you have tried this with YOUR EX WIVES???? I’VE BEEN IN A…

divorce is super personal though. just because he’s talked about it before doesn’t mean he’s comfy about talking about his personal experience all the time.

That’s a feature, not a bug.

New Falcons defensive back Keanu Neal, who got intimate with Roger Goodell for more than 15 seconds

“The tremors and temporary blindness were a little disconcerting, but all in all 8/10.”

It’s not hard to adapt to a polyphasic schedule. I take three 6-hour naps every day and I’m fine.

So this is sports news how? “Distasteful bro yells distasteful bro-y things at other bro at sporting event”

So the kid was stupid enough to have video of himself smoking, and leave evidence of him accepting improper benefits, but...

Remember when Deadspin cross-posted both the Conde Nast and Hulk Hogan stories? Imagine Petchesky’s shit-eating grin when he typed this article. Just imagine it.