Just finish the catchphrase and it will all become clear. You think you know, but you have no idea...............this is the diary of a Deadspin Commenter.

This is getting stupid. The Marlins were not close to being good, and nobody really thought they were until they traded some dudes. They have no pitching whatsoever.

I mean, I get it, but EVERYONE in the media called the race for Veith. It wasn’t just NBC. And the men’s free skate was getting down to the best part, so if they hadn’t gone live to it, people still would’ve bitched. I say meh.

Aw, don’t be bitter that he knew your game and ruined it for you.

“inscrutable squad selection, very bad football, and a complete failure to secure results on any level”

....no, that’s from the Prince sketch. He and the Revolution would like to challenge you to a game of basketball.

I used to feel the same way. But look how happy she is. It doesn’t feel contrived to her. So I think we should shut our cynical mouths.

I’m totally fascinated by how the middle of the word “victim” found its way over to the middle of “person”, leaving you with “persoctin” and “vim”. I need to know more.

OK dude.

I saw Griffey, thought Ken Griffey Jr. Presents Major League Baseball for SNES (which I played the fucking shit out of), and thought we’d be going down that path. Nope. Fucking children.

You’re dumb.

What, you don’t think it’s funny to pronounce “backhand” in a weird way over and over again? You’re not into horrible nicknames? I don’t get it.

Oh buddy. You’re so dumb.

This is so very stupid.

Ew, fuck you.

They beat the Jazz without Gobert or Mitchell? Wow, they’ve clearly solved all their problems.

“16. Ecclesiastes Shofar”

Not canon. That’s horrifying. This hat business is insanity.

Ugh fuck off.

I mean...who doesn’t like butter and cream (excluding the poor souls who are lactose intolerant)? I’m pretty sure black people like butter. Right?