Getting into a game like Among Us should be trivial to congress people in their 30s. It’s not like they are 80 years old like Pelosi. They basically played a game with people in their age group.

I live in a rural area at the end of a dead-end street that is poorly lit, with about 100 yards of also unlit driveway between us and the street.

And there’s a 97.32% chance your sources are off or you’re bad at math. But what’s 220,000 lives as long as your kid gets candy?

Maybe it makes me a horrible person, but the idea of a bunch of jolly kids all eating turf after tripping over an ankle-high fence in their rush to get Halloween candy is friggin’ hilarious to me. A finer slapstick comedy set-piece I can hardly imagine.

The candy chute + full bags of Sour Patch Kids is a combo I can definitely get behind!

There were no points for them to fall on in my garden bed.

Mother-in-law, is that you?

No, he was always this incompetent. The only thing that saved him from going down as one of the worst and most corrupt failed mayors of NYC was 9/11 — and he even messed that up by moving the emergency response office to the world trade centers after the towers being bomber in 1993.

In my experience, locker rooms serve two functions: (1) a place to store your street clothes so they don’t get stolen and (2) a place to clean up so you don’t smell like shit after sweating too much.

Yikes. You must be a blast at parties!

Look, I’m not gonna do the #notallmen bullshit because that shit is gross and is a way of dismissing valid criticism and discussion....

ctrl + f, name of my dogs’ food.

The part that still blows my mind is that there are such creatures as Obama-Trump voters, and them coming home is what’s going to put Biden in the White House. 

All this because a black man was elected President. Legally. Twice. Never let white folks live this down

i hope the credentials of the doctor running this “exam” has legitimate credentials and hasnt signed any papers to protect donald trump.

LOL. who am i kidding. it’s on fox news.

You mean that in a text where her lawyer is telling her to ignore the new yorker article, a heart emoji at the end may signify something more than just her lawyer? And they might be are sure as shit having an affair? For reals? Thank you, Mr. Rage Boner, you made my day.

What a world we live in where the news, broken ONLY TWO weeks back, that the sitting president owes someone 400 mil is WAY OLD news.

Raimi sometimes plays things straight which can also be very funny, if this short (which frankly I’m just waiting until it gets released from Quibi after the service crashes and burns and they can distribute it on their own) has wacky tonal shifts, that’s just Raimi. 

To be fair, the creator of the arm (whom we see design it in a CAD program) is supposed to be a lumberjack who is also a carpenter. And I guess an engineer based on his CAD knowledge? Although frankly, I would have suggested that the guy focus on engineering given that he has money problems. Even in Michigan, I would…