When I had a Camry, I kept a mallet on me in case I saw one that didn’t have the Camry dent yet. 

“These are built to last.”

You know, it’s possible to answer a perfectly normal and reasonable question without unnecessary sarcasm.

The one guy lives in Texas, the other lives in England. Travel restrictions mean it’s simply not feasible for them to shoot together until all this is over and done with. (Sure, some folks are going through the necessary quarantines, but they don’t have that kind of a budget and they both have day jobs.)

I guess it's cool, but I don't get the point. They were in space for what like 3 minutes?

I think you misunderstand - it’s literal billionaires racing each other to go to space. 

I concede that I may have unintentionally made a major omission

Also I don’t give a flying fuck what the right wing nuts jobs think

See, that’s the thing. Faux News bills Carlson as an “Entertainer,” not a journalist. So right at the beginning we have nonsense. He’s an interviewer, pundit, and “moderator” but he is not a journalist. All his programs fall under the heading “opinion.”  (And generally speaking, they aren’t even that.  They’re songs…

Goddamn it, I thought I linked it. Well, my name checks out at least. 

Better yet, lean on the label or whoever owns the song to have them sue the cop for a public performance without their written permission. 

If your family is sweating at 78 degrees and you’re worried about them dehydrating, you and your fellow penguins need to move back to Antarctica.

Agreed, but I doubt the manager is the one who tweeted it out. Whoever runs the social media account probably thought it was funny.

If coffee is what kills me, I’ll die knowing there were much much worse and less delicious ways to go.

$450 is pretty affordable when the comparable alternatives cost twice the price.

You can take a shit in anything if you don’t care enough

Haven’t accomplished a damn thing in our lives? I once did that thing where you put a pile of coins on your elbow and swing your hand down to catch them, and I’m pretty sure I got, like, 75% of those coins. A lot clattered under the couch, but still. Checkmate. 

My 13 year old is fully vaccinated. My 11 year old will continue to wear a mask. I’m not going to Disney either way.

Because the convergence of the anti-mask and anti-vax crowd represents the most honest and trustworthy of human beings....

“I’ve been called a Nazi and a communist in the same sentence,” he said.