That’s kinda the point. You go to the store, you see the grass-fed free-range beef and it’s like 2-4 times as much as the cheap stuff, so you buy the cheap stuff. Never mind that the cheap stuff is cows eating dried corn and walking on their own filth on plots of land burned out of the Amazon rainforest with a few…

Instead of putting a climbing harness, maybe just walk across the border (at an opening in the wall) with false papers and then overstay your visa.

My favorite ID checking experience was when an underage kid came in with the ID of their somewhat-similar-looking friend, and unfortunately I actually knew the friend on the ID. I had to turn them away and ask them to try harder. :) (To be honest I did the bare minimum in terms of verifying IDs because why should I…

Circular firing squad, commence fire.

No, nobody in these vulgar States ever uses the word “fortnight.” You read it in some Dickens novel and your humanities teacher has you look it up in the dictionary. It’s about as common these days as using the word “score” to mean 20 years.

She could Google it.

Yes!! And better yet do it with a pork knuckle (sweinshaxe). Serve with gravy and a giant potato dumpling.

I worked at a bar as a graduate student and we had a lovely little booklet describing all of the security features of state IDs from each state so that we could verify if a given ID was legit (like whether the birthdate was encoded in the ID number).

Hmm, I guess the cops in Iowa City have solved every other crime so they are resorting to this dogcatcher work to fill the time.

You can’t say the N-word unless you have black privilege.

Trash state likes trash pizza. Iowans also helped put Trump in office so that speaks to their ability to judge the merit of things.

Relatable for children with parents who are addicts with HBO subscriptions.

Oh no, that’s a loss to the liberal circular firing squad. Where will I go now for the latest news about how Kamala Harris is a cop, Latinx is a real word, and the term “LGBTQ” cruelly excludes nonbinary transgender pansexual beings?

Yep, I went through elementary and high school in the 80's and never learned about Perestroika, Iran-Contra, Tienanmen Square, etc. 

Actually, he is my grandpa (if by “grandpa” you mean an old person who believes that it’s OK to torture, suspend habeas corpus, go to war on false pretenses, abandon folks whose homes were destroyed in a hurricane, etc.).

You’re not having a good day when you, as a natural person (not a business entity), are being sued in a class action.

Actually Brandt Jean chose the spectacle because he asked to hug his brother’s murderer in the courtroom. He could have just met with his brother’s murderer in private. So you can’t say that you honor Brandt’s personal choice when you criticize the spectacle.

“I concur in the judgment that this was an excellent locker room celebration.”  --Justice Kavanaugh

“All victories shall be celebrated in the locker room in this fashion henceforth. It is so ordered. PJ and Squee concur in the judgment.” — Justice Kavanaugh

This is how I picture Justice Kavanaugh celebrating with his female law clerks (he has all female law clerks, btw).