A horse walks into a courtroom to plead his case. The judge says, “Why the long face?”

Sorry to break it to you, but cooking spray is sprayed butter or oil.  So you’re violating your court order.  Off to jail with you. 

I know, seriously!  I mean, are there no prisons?  And the Union workhouses, are they still in operation?

Did you notice the jerks who voted for Trump in 2016?

So, what is the solution?

Isn’t it a little early to send your child for the sorting ceremony at Hogwarts? 

Seriously.  When I got to that part of the recipe, I said to myself, “hmmm.”  Brush oil on your grill and your fish with a basting brush, or, as you say, with a folded up paper towel.  I’ve never met a serious cook who uses cooking spray, let alone cooking spray near a grill. 

So now he’s saying not only that there’s “no collusion,” “no obstruction,” etc., but also that there’s “no ‘high crimes and misdemeanors.’” He must have just heard about that from a Fox News clown. That’s a narrative shift from “I didn’t commit an offense” to “Well, even if I did commit an offense, it’s not an impeacha…

“The Trump administration officially wants to kill every part of the Affordable Care Act. [New York Times]”

Sure, the pay isn’t great, but when you’re out there, gyrating in front of that drunken football fan, his lusty stare just makes it all worth it.

I can’t believe that no French sandwich made the list. Croque monseiur, anyone? (Or is this a species of grilled cheese?)   Baguette with butter and ham? 

Calling it now: malicious horny clown king Euron will ascend to the Iron Throne.  It’s the plot outcome we all deserve in the age of Trump.

“the president’s goal many times is to ‘create chaos’”

Well he did vote for the Leopards Eating People’s Faces Party and you gotta admit he’s really sticking to the party platform. 

Stop it with the damn surcharges. . Fold all the costs of doing business (like health care costs, minimum wage increases, and carbon taxes) into the menu prices and be done with it.

I agree, but it is an aspirational requirement.  And it is an implied expectation that you give up your privacy when you become POTUS, because you are POTUS. 

Christ on toast, why have I never heard of this beautiful creation before?

Like that time when I jaywalked or talked on the phone while driving?  Frankly, if you’re going to be POTUS, you should be squeaky clean and expect that your life will be an open book.  If you want privacy and/or want to hide some skeletons in your closet, don’t be POTUS. 

Seriously. If I were being investigated for murder and I was pretty damn sure I hadn’t murdered anybody, I would probably want to HELP the investigators so that they could hurry up and conclude that I didn’t murder anybody. (Here, look at all my emails, look at my phone records, talk to all of my friends, etc.)