Something something about how hicks shouldn’t have hoped for so much when they put Trump in office.

I’m sure Trump will go along with the anti-choice crowd because it wins him praise at his rallies, but he’d happily arrange an abortion if one of his golf club buddies knocks up a mistress (or if he knocks up a mistress, although I doubt he has the potency to do so today).

Ted Cruz is very, very smart (he didn’t just graduate from Harvard Law, he also clerked at the Supreme Court). He is also very, very wicked and unwise.

“He is eventually exonerated, and speaks to how upsetting a false accusation can be; Friedman reminds him satisfyingly how many victims of assault are doubted when they come forward.”

Wait, is that the inverse, the converse, or the contrapositive?

I know, right? I thought deadspin was supposed to be about good, objective journalism, not sports and snark.

Her story is an incredible success story even if her Olympic career is ending now. Very few of us achieve as much in an entire lifetime. And very many of us spend our youths in pursuit of a plan A (art, theater, athletics, academia, writing etc.) and end up in a plan B (retail sales, accounting, waitressing, etc.). So…

Send in Dinesh D’Souza, instead of the SWAT team, the next time a shooter is rampaging on a school campus.

How about we all just agree that Kentucky has the best bourbon, but it’s otherwise a bad state with bad voters who elected a bad senator. Let’s move on.

Have you heard of the Hastert rule? In the House, a bill won’t even make it to a vote unless a majority of the majority (i.e. a majority of the Republican members) allows the bill to proceed to a vote. So House Democrats can (and do) draft all the bills they can, but the bills die because the Republicans control the…

Go read Brietbart instead then.

The Republican party is fully invested in Trump. They hitched their wagon to the crazy horse. It’s inevitable that the Republican party will crash; what remains to be seen is whether they’ll manage to also destroy our country during their crash.

Well, taking a stand against leopards eating people’s faces is a pretty persuasive campaign tactic.

Capybaras are my preferred rodent to eat during Lent, with the blessing of the mother church, because these semi-aquatic creatures are regarded as fish for dietary purposes.

Do not taunt them, they are connected to the internet. Dear robots, you are excellent skiers, and your sweaters are quite fashionable.

What’s not to get? It’s the Scandanavian Nazi-killing sport. You ski close in to the Nazis, shoot one or two with your sniper rifle, and then ski out before they can figure out where you are. The sporting challenge is in keeping your sniper rifle steady while short of breath because you’ve been skiing hard.

This is a perfect burn except for the technical flaw that they probably don’t actually fuck.

No, the enlisted are fairly tarred with the bad acts of the military leadership, because they voluntarily enlisted. Participation in the military is voluntary. If you don’t want to be an agent for the country’s military agenda, don’t enlist in the military. If you do enlist, you’re complicit.

I think she wants to be Chav Spice for the reboot.

Hey, we all look bad when we haven’t finished our morning grooming.