It gives me no pride to say that we are the Bills fans of the south. Even London doesn’t like us. Imagine a culture that enslaved most of the known world, eats cold beans for breakfast, and can’t even properly execute its own political and economic suicide pact thinking that they are too good for your 90s…

sir this is a wendy’s

I mean, the least Jeter could have done is left those guys a gift basket.

It’s actually rather amazing how well the Onion’s writers know their subjects:

Any drive-thru, in front of me:

“I wish I could go back in time and not tell anyone that I had a kid,” VanVleet said.

having perhaps grown tired of seeing his athletic feats credited to a small baby who cannot even speak or control its bowels

For the first time ever, the best dehydrated curry was not from Vermont (Ok, Japan).

I think we’re gonna need a bigger belt.

It turned out that the fans were right to mock the idea of this fight ending in anything other than a knockout, it just didn’t end in the way they likely expected it to.

Roland Emmerich approves.

Mt Everest: Come for the views, stay because you died.

Having taken more than a second to hit the gas when the light turns green once or twice in Boston, that seems accurate.

Of all people, you’re surprised that this guy abstains from being a swinger when he encounters another dude in an unfamiliar position?

The Mets are so used to disappearing 2 months into the season that The Snap actually brought back David Wright, Carlos Baerga, and Matt Harvey.

...I wish only the best for him and his wife Betty.

Professional success is more about hard work than talent. Always keep your eyes on the prize.

Pelicans fan here. Everyone can kiss my ass he’s our hostage.