I created my character by rolling dice for almost everything, from race, sex, sexuality, background, weight, height, etc.

Just heard that Wet Seal was among the latest casualties at my sad, sad hometown mall. At this point, pretty much all that remains is a John Deere/Sports Teams memorabilia store, a scaled-down Zales, a GNC, and the skeeviest Victoria’s Secret I’ve ever seen. Oh, and one antique store that had a guy sleeping on a…

I had a guy friend in junior high look me dead in the face and go “Wet Seal? Why didn’t they just call it Moist Otter?” From then on everyone in my friend group called it moist otter until the day ours closed 10+ years later.

There was a store named Wet Seal? For the love of god, why?

Wet Seal should merge with Wetzel’s and form Wetseal’s Pretzels.

Challenge for the next 4 years: Find a story about Donald Trump where ‘this is horrifying’ is not a context appropriate descriptor of what is happening.

Talk about Koreshing my hopes and dreams, amirite?

Obama is so handsome. Not just by comparison, but goddammit. It’s like putting a glass of French wine next to a half empty PBR that’s mostly backwash.

I mean, that’s basically how the Council of Nicaea happened.

I’m so ridiculously thankful to have attended college before social media existed.

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I’m all for everybody stockpiling as many guns as they want as long as they’re muskets, one shooters and maybe a cannon or two. Those are the weapons that the founding fathers actually had in mind.

“Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback called the shooting a tragedy Friday, and told reporters that it was too soon to discuss any need for stricter gun control laws.”

Its almost like people with tempers or impulse control issues should be the de facto shooter profile and not the mentally ill.

We had a similar incident at a very large organization a couple years back. It was to the point where the entire email system was bogged down and it took hours for any email to be delivered. I found it ironic that 1,000 different people replied all to say “don’t reply all!”... You’re part of the problem, asshole!

I think in my next career, I will become the Customer Punisher. Servers can call a special 800 number and I or one of my minions will come out to dispatch this person to the nether lands.

The truly American thing would be to charge for ketchup but give your richer customers loopholes to pay much less for it.

YOU LIVE HERE, TOO!