“A respectful, loving space” ... I’ll use that phrase as an alternative to my usual “get the hell out of the kitchen before I bean you with a skillet.”

Isn’t it funny how the Swifty affair completely de-sexified him? Like someone turning off a faucet.

“He’s gutted it in a way that makes it difficult to even work on a basic logistical level.”

Mom is that you?

It would take my kids under an hour to send that swinging couch through the wall behind it.

I wish you guys had time-lapse video..... Maybe someone will give you a grant! Because it would be the best to see Cheeto Hitler bragging about the long lines of people waiting to see him alongside a time-stamped video of nobody being there, or waiting, or having arrived....

Meanwhile, Olympic-level trolling inside:

I think we all know these people’s answer: No, trans people shouldn’t use either bathroom. They should stay home and out of public, or preferably disappear altogether. They’re not genuinely worried about trans people molesting little kids*, they’re upset that trans people exist and that society is ready to start…

Thank God you could explain this because I had the same exact reaction as Here-For-Teh-Lulz.

“see we got rid of this guy so when we continue the school to prison pipeline you can’t possibly think it’s because of racism.”

I didn’t even know that I had such a deep crush on Keanu Reeves until I read that interview. Now I’m off to put my first name with his last name all over my notebook!

I’m very glad Keanu’s earned a third act. He’s seemed very grounded since the Matrix days, and from everything I’ve read, sounds like one of the true good guys in the industry. His pain has always been close to the surface, but he’s capable of moving past it, and that alone isn’t a small feat.

Mariah. She is just like us. Oh, hold on, I need to get my secretary to wheel me to the bathroom.

Could do with a bit more of that British reserve, tbh. Button it up and bottle it away, like I always say.

Puzder must be keeping Fierstein on a financial tether. Of some sort for her to now go around defending him.

I tend to find that, the larger someone’s cross is on their necklace, the more likely they are to do deeply non-Christian shit.

You know that bit in Harry Potter 6 (Half-Blood Prince) where Dumbledore is describing the school clique forming around Tom Riddle, which later became the Death Eaters?

Clooney was the perfect Bruce Wayne. Probably because he basically is Bruce Wayne IRL.

I really want Melissa McCarthy to do a skit as Sean Spicer and use this line now.

So are we a host when we have a penis inside us? Does that penis belong to us while we are hosting it? Can we do with it whatever we want? Just asking.