Between this and the Sepp Blatter resignation news, today is a good day.

Personally, I refill my pool on an annual basis using only 8 oz bottles of water. I get to use the empty plastic bottles for various activities like starting fires in the fireplace, making little boats that we float down the river, and my favorite - homemade exfoliant pellets so I don't have to buy that expensive…

It tastes like Sprite and roofies.

"He's running around NY in a brand new Edgar suit"

Has that headline writer accepted the offer of a job at Deadspin yet? Or is the time difference giving you trouble getting in touch with him?

Can’t make Gretzky’s head bleed. 3/10

How long until someone puts a dick in there?

My only question is, how do we get “#RelieveBlatter” trending? It’s too good. How did nobody think of this yet?

What an idiot. He’s allowed to use his hands.

BMW, in particular, has an excellent factory-ordering setup, and most of the people I know who bought new Bimmers ordered them. A few even did the Euro Delivery thing. But BMW also has a gajillion different options you can choose from.

Peyton didn’t get a great line, would’ve liked to see him say that Letterman has bigger balls than Tom Brady.

While the tab loaded? I have some AOL CD’s somewhere in my basement if you're about to run out of hours...

I mean, you’re not wrong technically, but I reality is sometimes law enforcement just has to say, “I’m not going to enforce the law in this case.” Why not? “Because there’s no real harm here and I’m paid to keep general order in society, not be your personal guardian against every subtly illicit inconvenience thrown…

Tesla Model S. Honestly i didnt think they could pull this off and even get it to market. I mean the previous car was just a tech demo built on a lotus and many others couldnt even pull that off. And the Fisker sucked and no one else was able to make an electric anywhere near this. So i was surprised they pulled it…

Methinks R&T may have oversold that a bit, there’s nothing truly revealing in that list. No specific outputs, gear ratios, acceleration times, cornering numbers, drag & downforce numbers, weight balance, etc. I had brief hopes for a full page as they’ve done well for decades, with 27 8x10 glossy color photographs with…

Kanye west was getting some Kanye rest so that he can go on tour at his Kanye best. Not in his Kanye nest, but still flying Kanye West. Torchinsky was next to him and that’s not a Kanye jest. Now normally Kanye’s in his Kanye Vest. Embroidered impeccably with his Kanye Crest. But this is something he keeps close to…

Should have woken him up and said
“Imma letya finish ... but Morgan Freeman was the best publicly sleeping celebrity ever!”

Yo dawg heard you like memes so we put a meme under your meme so you can meme while you meme.