You know they’re saving all the really juicy stuff for a stunning, tell-all book to be published next year. Right now, they’re shopping for lawyers who will help them break their NDAs.

A presidential candidate just suggested that the American public should watch a sex tape.

Well, since it was a win, could you slip us a little Steven Wright?

Sure, marijuana abuse is 10 weeks, but if he’d said he was abusing Mary Jane, he’d have seen 2 or 3 weeks, tops.

Trumpanzees

well after this election Im looking forward to several lawsuits that will pop against trump....

The Miss Universe contest is rigged. The winner is always from Earth.

I’ll take the low road. A headline that said he was found dead after a neighbor reported the smell wouldn’t cause me any stress.

That carrot cake sounds like a salary cap circumvention to me.

I wouldn’t be surprised if he preemptively e-mailed each of them to decline.

Popovich: How have you been enjoying the carrot cakes?

I’m kinda surprised Duncan hasn’t been pursued by ESPN or TNT as an analyst. He’s incredibly smart and observant of the tiniest details, and the fact that his normal speaking voice is eerily similar to Dave Chappelle imitating a white person probably is considered an asset by broadcasters.

Hey can I ask something? As we all know when some billionaire wants to bleed a few hundred million from a government to build a stadium, the claims of said building (and the events held in it) bringing in whatever amount to the local economy are generally bullshit.

Seriously. Orlando is shitty even by the standards of Floridians.

“We think you’re shittier than Florida” is about the strongest burn I’ve ever heard of.

Richard Sherman Explains Why Players Shouldn’t Trust The NFL

“With a traffic light green means ‘go’ and yellow means ‘hold on’, but on a banana it’s just the opposite. Green means ‘hold on,’ yellow means ‘go ahead,’ and red means, ‘where the h*** did you get that banana?!’” - Mitch Hedberg

Samer’s become a victim of Stockholm Syndrome. I heard he can’t even nut now without looking at a picture of Whitey Herzog

“ I didn’t go to college, but if I did, I would have taken all my tests at a restaurant, because the customer is always right.”

There isn’t a great, evidence-based argument that Clinton is either of those things. There are reasons for people to have issues with Hillary Clinton, but they always manage to project shit on her that doesn’t really apply.