Most people join the military because they have little or no other option for employment.

It’s not their fault. Their school libraries contain nothing that isn’t Grand Funk Railroad. 

insisting on only selling SUVs/CUVsStep 1: Give out shit loads of student debt

Don’t say stupid shit.

You can just be you and not know anything about sports, Kevin, if you really want to

The only person who saw all this coming was Tony Romo. 

I feel this way a lot of the time and I’m currently serving. I don’t stand when the stadium PA announcer asks veterans and service members to stand and be recognized. Airlines allow active duty service members to board early; no thanks, my ticket says Goup ZZ thanks. The issue isn’t my service (which I’m very proud…

They that show the wind will reap the ham!

“Hey, I was salivating the whole time.”

Wait, so teachers only work 180 days per year? The average salary is $58,950 , so basically that’s equivalent to $117,900 if they actually worked the full year. With benefits and retirement.

“No smocking” rules always end badly:

Yes, but due to logistical reasons the tattoos are theirs to keep.

I love when Canadians, who bogarted our national holiday, tell us how we’re celebrating it wrong.

I just would’ve assumed the delay was to allow Zach Woods time for all the fucking that he’s doing.

Wait... is that the one that’s played on ice?

I agree with you. There’s nothing inherently wrong with Crossfit. It seems like the main issue is that the intensity of the exercises are causing a lot of injuries. Probably because people who aren’t in shape are suddenly jumping into it and are being trained by people who either lack the knowledge or are ignoring…

Aw, did an episode of sunny hurt your feelings? You gonna cry little tears of gravy?

“... and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout: ‘Save us!’. And I’ll look down and whisper: ‘Not great, Bob.”

Technically he’s not a foreigner, as Northern Ireland is part of the UK. It’s easy to remember - the three countries on the island of Great Britain (England, Scotland, and Wales) join together with Northern Island to form the United Kingdom, and then the black lion forms Voltron’s head.

I’ve been calling her Crandall!