shoulda taken your kids to Paddington 2 instead

(white American does something heroic)

Clint Eastwood: (choking back tears) This...this needs to be a two hour movie...

(Gremlin voices)
BUY

no thanks. I once ordered a small to-go box of it and almost 1/2 of every piece of meat I bit into was composed of huge chunks of fat and I was too grossed out to get more than a handful of bites in before losing my appetite.

The honey walnut shrimp tho. Now we’re talking.

we’re still talking about this, huh? why don’t we also freak out about HOW THE STARS SPELL OUT SEX!!!!!

this could have really been something unique under Lord and Miller but I lost any interest once they departed the project because Lawrence Kasden got mad that two funnymen were stepping on his monologues about the powers of the force

break me off a piece of that FANCY FEAST

hell yeah I had a great time seeing Pirates! Made me a bit annoyed that they changed the original title of “In An Adventure with Scientists” to something more generic (grrr! Science bad for American kids!) but I sadly remember seeing that film on the day before I had my senior prom the next day and the cinematic…

Illumination is the worst and their wild success through factory-produced family content that pinpoints everything general audiences will pay money for without wanting any actual quality content or heart drives me insane. Can’t wait to see a Goomba’s buttcheeks or something in this

If the premiere buzz from Black Panther and Fandango tracking is to be believed, this should be a Marvel film worth getting stoked about on top of being a great win for representation in blockbuster films.

Annihilation will be interesting though that could go both ways. I’ll see it to at least be able to join in…

lol this internet pwnage totally makes up for Wendy’s compliance in buying tomatoes harvested with slave labor. the wonders of internet yuks, amirite?

I don’t care what front this kid is putting up to try and get back into the graces of making thousands of moronic internet videos, stop giving the piece of shit attention

as big a flub it might have been, it’s been one of the only instances where I was actually glad I watched the awards live knowing I got to partake in the shitshow as it happened.

aw, a pity about losing Hannibal Buress’ stand up.

the lower class poverty-stricken characters in that film were just a little TOO real and believable for the comfort of an Academy that distributes party bags that cost $100k to an audience composed of already-millionaires

Meryl Streep is a great actress but this “gets nominated just for showing up” thing she’s got going every year is a bit ridiculous

the most painfully relatable part in this film that hit too close to home for me was the scene during the post-grad dinner where a friend casually mentions something that was being withheld from the mother’s knowledge and a lighthearted day immediately gets tense. I’ve been in that moment too many times growing up to…

WHAT ARE THE RULES?

eh. i think muggle only gets a pass because it’s so primarily ingrained in everyone familiar with the series for 20 years or so. no arguments that no-maj is pretty stupid but this is whatever. I still mostly can’t get over a sequel with the honest to god name “The Crimes of Grindelwald”

I guess I’ll be in the minority here who’s genuinely looking forward to this. Ant Man was solid summer fun boosted by one of the more inspired climactic battles that utilized the size changing elements well. Also Ant Man was one of the highlights in Civil War so yeah i’m down for more