Sounds like he’s asked for the game clock to be reset to who gives a fuck.

Reached for comment, Foles said, “Look. I may believe in miracles, but I’m not a fucking moron.”

Anyone who’d turn down a starting job to remain a backup clearly doesn’t have what it takes to win a championship.

i too will not play qb for the Browns

Dear [NAME]: since you’re in Vegas where you’re allowed to bet on sports, please show your betting slip from October and consider donating a portion of your winnings to charity.

It must be such a relief for all those lifelong Las Vegas Knights fans to dunk on all the haters and doubters. God knows they’ve had to endure so much!

Well yeah, but letting that be the only remake would be showing favreautism.

Barry, you fucking idiot. You made a prediction that didn’t come to fruition. Jesus, why on earth would you even do that?

Don’t forget about obligatory “dumpster fire.”

When Deadpool 1 came out I feel like everything I read painted it as this clever, metatextual look at superhero action movies, with knowing winks and nods (both subtle and, as per the character himself, brash and actively breaking the fourth wall), while also pulling out the stops for the hard-R. I expected something…

Let’s Fail to Remember Some Guys

CALLING ALL JAN-MICHAEL VINCENTS

Critics: “This movie was amazing!”

Again, is anybody surprised that the people that got to see a Star Wars movie first are saying it’s good? Would they really say otherwise?

“They never call it the hazing either, they always say ‘the event’ or ‘what happened in the summer’

You seem very hung up on craft beers - tell me how they hurt you...

I’m sensing a theme here...

Entirely sarcastic blogs should be written in Courier, 
like this comment, which is ironically not sarcastic

If you have all the draft picks, the other teams will eventually grow old and die. You have to think long-term, sheeple.

How many assists did Roomba have?