You almost fooled me with this well-crafted phony story; but then I remembered that only cows are named Flossie!

I know your pain. Even though it didn’t fit the category exactly, I just posted about a dog that rolled in and ate a carcass, only to vomit it up again and I had to clean it. Forgot to add I vomited myself in the process. I can never forget that smell.

It’s not just a male thing this used to happen to my mom when she was stressed. So Walt Disney World when I was a kid. Right there in the Magic Kingdom. So bad she ruined her undies and had to throw them out. Then my dad had to give his underpants to her so she had something on in case it happened again involuntarily…

What? Is that weird?

This story gives me great joy.

WHAT

I was at JFK airport peeing in a stall when a Middle-Eastern woman in a burka swung open the faulty door. She saw me and screamed like she had just seen Manson in my vagina. When I came out to wash my hands she glanced in my direction, eyebrows furrowed, utterly scarred by what she had witnessed. Trying to calm the…

Honestly the timing of this isn’t just spooky.

Not disturbing, just odd.

I hate public bathrooms.

I went on a date once, and I was invited by the woman back to this incredible loft where she was dog-sitting for out-of-town friends.

Damn those pesky pea-green turds. Your life could have been so bright.

Beer. Slim Jims.

Once I walked into a public bathroom at work that usually has a tiny little garbage can next to the toilet for throwing away used pads/tampons. Someone before me had knocked it over, though, because there were pads and tampons all over the floor in various states of toilet paper unwrap and bloodiness.

Working maintenance for state parks, I saw some shit (literally.) One time, a toilet was clogged so bad that we had to call in a plumber, who couldn’t come until the next AM. We covered the toilet with cardboard, taped it down, locked the door of the stall from the inside, then climbed over the door and put a large…

It’s not my story, but you all still deserve to let it linger in your heads as it does in mine. My boyfriend was at work when a stomach issue began and so he trotted over to the company restroom to let loose. It was so ferocious, as he told it to me later, that as soon as he pulled down his pants it hit everywhere. It…

At summer camp when I was 7 or so, I saw a pile of pea-green turds on the floor right next to the toilet. They were there for at least three days.

I saw Ted Cruz in the bathroom once. That was disturbing.

I liked that Hillary took a moment to assure other countries that the US honors it’s agreements. It was very well worded and timed. It reminded viewers that she’s not just here to bicker about domestic shit. She’s actually paying attention to our international relations.