Star, star, a million times star.

Like most young boys, I had both an affinity for baseball and some difficulty keeping track of my rapidly expanding vocabulary.

When you play in a casino, you agree to their rules, which contain multiple permutations of "wins due to mechanical defects or physical flaws don't count."

You mean Gawker, the for-profit company that lets some cheesehole like you spew your all-or-nothing bullshit about them on their own website?

"Can only be considered trolling" should appear prominently in the Toronto Sun masthead.

Agreed, there is absolutely no such thing as routine back surgery.

Good job, good effort.

smooth cock of the ball

Not completely sure we watched the same movie – no, seriously, I saw it at TIFF so it's possible things have changed.

Taking the ambulance out of Madden was the easy part; keeping Pat Summerall out of the ambulance would prove far more challenging.

Pretty sure we can actually embed tweets here now, and this one's too good not to:

He's Canadian, thus he's constitutionally required to be a poor tipper.

:o

And for their game plan, Team USA turned to a Hall of Famer:

+i

Knowing that my parents met curling means knowing that my parents met drunk.

Whoops, your insecurities are showing!

Don't worry, we're used to it!