When you want to tweet out, tweet out at 5 am, . . . , cocaine. He don’t mind, he don’t mind, he don’t mind . . . cocaine

Could you point out some evidence that illegal Mexicans are able to collect welfare: I tried but can’t find this gem. But did find a bunch of info that refutes that claim, such as:

Rainbow of shades of blond?!?

His spirit must have nine lives because it’s been killed before.

You know they’re gonna be calling him a “homo” down in Texas after this.

Papi is just plain old awesome.

Why God?!? Whyyyyyyyy!?!?

Trump’s a fucking scumbag.

No, not Brad. I figured it out. It was Abe Vigoda.

Is there not a God! Why?!? Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?!?

Was Kayne’s inspired by The Walking Dead and SPANX?

It’s got to be put in a museum or something - the most embarrassing, bone-headed, career-killing acts committed in history.

I always add a little hamburger to my ketchup sandwich.

They charge extra for the Grey Poupon, which just pisses me off. Cheap pricks.

I don’t think she’s keeping illegal activity secret. Having to dress up like Val Kilmer is a little weird, but not illegal. Besides, if the government wanted to question her about illegal activity, the agreement couldn’t prevent that.

No, we don’t have laws that prevent people from speaking about their lived experience. But you are allowed to enter into a contract wherein you get 5 million dollars in exchange for agreeing not to speak publicly about your ex-husband. She could break that contract and do a tell-all but would have to pay the 5 million…

This one’s actually more on point:

Don’t be impatient:

Ailes and Trump have one thing in common - they’re both cowardly bullies.

How about inviting strangers off the street to throw knives at Jimmy? That would be hilarious. Jimmy could laugh in a cute,uncontrollably way while bleeding to death.