I am a bartender who gets to sit front row and center for tons of first dates from people who meet online. I would rather deal with the decades long old married couple's emotional abuse to each other than to have to sit through another awkward first date where the couple has to vet each others' lies and exaggerations.

Penis in Vagina feels good?

Fewer screaming children too.

I was wrong, you are worse than cancer.

You and cancer seem about equally fun.

Have you ever been up close to someone like this? The way they talk about themselves is insane.

Stupid misleading headline.

She doesn't have a three day beard either. Tell tale sign of a hack.

You are moving up my literary crushes list.

I am more of a Grushenka from the Brothers K guy myself, I could see why Dmitri was so into her.

Yeah, I am with you on the asshole thing. Controlling assholes.

You of course must share this list now.

Case in point...

I think she looks like half of williamsburg.

You seem like a lot of fun.

Thanks will check that out.

I was sitting in the park one time having a smoke and this sweet little girl admonished me about it. Her immigrant dad was with her and obviously spoke no english whatsoever at all, he was just grinning that his friendly daughter was speaking with some Americans. Kid was about eight and was saying we shouldn't be…

So get a flask and an ashtray.