Cigarettes. In fancy bowls. Everywhere. How glamorous.

Apparently Y’all Queda didn’t plan very well and have put out a request for people to bring them supplies and snacks.

Some people are proposing sending them tabbouleh and falafel. I’m thinking maybe some vegan jerky.

Ugh my cats name is Hammond and I don’t appreciate them ruining his good name. Here he is on my new barrel just because he is cute

I don’t like mayonnaise

Piggy and Kermit broke up on the same day my ex and I did - and yeah, fuck that home wrecking pig.

That would certainly explain why she won’t tell anyone who the father is, since that would require admitting that she had sex with Bobby Flay.

I dunno, bro, I think this was well-worth the $3.62 after taxes and a moldy Triscuit.

Nah, anyone who burns Bobby Flay like that is number one to me. Bobby Flay is THE WORST. Fuck off with your stupid fucking peppers, Flay.

A guy walks into a bar with a gun and said “Which one of you slept with my wife.” and a guy in the back stands up and says “You don’t have enough bullets.”

How long have they been married? Because, I went to a much darker place — that she is wholly innocent, believed they came together out of shared grief and comfort, and only now is learning that she married and slept with the man who murdered her sister and future niece/neph.

Typical shotgun wedding.

Between this Mark Salling news and the ever present inconceivable support on twitter today for Bill Cosby, here is a picture of my puppy to cheer everyone up.

Maybe he’s like, Mickey and Minnie’s full-time gimp.

I'm gonna also nominate Martin Skerelli or whatever his last name is not worth my google time as being one of the years biggest fuckboys.

“GOT TIP OF PENIS CAUGHT IN A HARD SUNGLASS CASE”

that is how a chair becomes a stool.

I first read that as “HAS 2 GOLF BALLS UP RECTUM AND WANTS TO HAVE 1 REMOVED” and was both puzzled and amused.

“ENTERTAINING GUESTS BY INSERTING THE WOODEN LEG OF A CHAIR INTO HIS RECTUM”