Special forces operatives kill people for a living; doesn’t mean they’ll take kindly to being offered a hit contract. Circumstances matter.

Here’s why the “orchestrated by the Clinton campaign” explanation makes zero sense to me.

All these women have come forward after they brought up Machado (which he is on tape doing to her), and Access Hollywood (which he is on tape saying). Why on earth would any opponent who knew about those body blows to their…

I should preface this by saying, I think Donald Trump is gross and his campaign for president is like something you’d see in a 2000AD satire comic. That said, is it weird that (allegedly) offering $10,000 for sex makes me think he’s a cheapskate? I mean, yeah, it’s a shitload of money to me - but he’s (allegedly) a…

I can’t believe he faxed it to the clerk. That’s some bullshit. Also, O_O

I want to rewrite the end:

I hated school by senior year in high school, and my best friend had an afternoon work study job in town, so I often got “sick” at lunch and rode home with her. But the principal started just sending me to the nurse’s office, so I upped the ante and began telling him that I had suddenly started my period and had to go…

Back in 1971 when I was in 8th grade, I told my parents I was going to an Alice Cooper concert with a friend. When queried about the artist, I responded that “Alice did mellow folk music, like Judy Collins.” The next day, there on the front page of the Houston Post, was a pic of Alice in full makeup, shirtless,…

I never fessed up though, this is literally my first time telling this story to anyone. My secret shame.

My weed dealer had 2 seated tickets to Kraftwerk that he sold to me (face value). I ended up getting lazy and sold the tickets on Craigslist (also for face value - I’m a liar, not an asshole). Next time he came over he asked me how the show was, I said “great!” He said, “Are you sure, because my friends who were at…

Carob?

Like many little kids, I was a sugar addict. Like other kids with hippie moms and dads, I was also denied sugar about 360 days out of each year. Santa actually put carob in our stockings, and the Easter Bunny gave us almonds. It was a sad life, but I figured out how to sneak treats when I could, and I got fairly…

Once my nana had to babysit me and she doesn’t speak English (and she had no TV) so the day was going by very slow. I was looking around the house and found pepper spray. I did not know it was pepper spray, and I probably didn’t even know that was a thing at that age. Anyways, I thought it was one of those sprays you…

Everyone smelled you! OH god!!! I’d have lent you my soap, Tina ;)

Yup, I’m with you. I’ve been teased about my lack of poker face my whole life and it only takes a raised eyebrow for the truth to come spilling out.

I don’t know if I was ever technically caught, because no one called me on my shit, but I did get lots of side-eye when I claimed in elementary school that I had every Ninja Turtle action figure ever, but they were “in the attic” and my parents “wouldn’t let me up there” to get them. It took me a year to save up…

I am the crappiest liar ever. I get all hot in the cheeks, my back stiffens up and I start to sweat on my forehead. It is both hilarious and mortifying. So, I invariably get caught in a lie in the middle of while telling it. Great moment in time at an old girlfriends dinner table (while in high school). Her dad…

Is anyone else completely incapable of lying? I can’t. I do the Santa thing but if my kids ever directly ask I won’t lie. The truth will just pour out. This is why my kids knew about where babies come from at a reeeeeally young age.

I was away at school and I didn’t have all my stuff yet and I stole another girl’s soap to shower (I mean, I put it back, but noticeably diminished). She called me out on it and I panicked and lied and EVERYONE SMELLED ME to confirm it was really her soap, which of course it was.

I was a latchkey kid. One day when I was about 8 I lost my house key and couldn’t get in, so I tried opening a window. But, because all the windows had screens, the only way I could get traction on the windows to see if they’d open was to cut open the screen. I tried almost all the windows before I found one that…

I don’t even remember it. All I remember of her at that Oscars was her dress/necklace combo was weird. Which was apparently due to some sort of last minute dress problem?