I just wonder what they thought the 911 operator was going to do for them.

My boyfriend is sterile. I love it. I don't want kids and I always seem to find dudes who want them, so when my boyfriend and I met and got along like gangbusters AND then I found out he can't have kids, I was like, GOTTA LOCK THIS SHIT DOWN. And by lock it down, I mean we got some pets together.

Thank you both!

Picture it, Syracuse, 1987. A lovely but awkward village girl, in the throws of seventh grade angst, wanting to be cool, sexy, and popular. She has the pre-requisite long, dark hair with Mall Bangs. She and her family traverse south to Florida for the Spring Break. Her mother, with best intentions, takes her to get a…

There will be no bonus points for me. Thank God. This story is so embarrassing I don't think I've ever even told it to my wife (I just realized this as I typed).

y'all can some of my eyebrow hairs, i have shit eyebrow genes apparently. i mean just look at how stupid long that hair is. it's basically a pube.

OMFG. I can't believe I forgot this one - when I was like, 15, I started shaving my pubes into shapes. Like hearts and stars. I used to outline the shape with eyeliner before I got into the shower to make sure I got it right. I wasn't even sexually active, just really ambitious with my little baby bush.

He said I looked like a duckling.

I'll just leave this here....

THIS IS THE BEST NEWS!! so excited for this sideblog.

That yellow hat line made me laugh out loud.

This is the 2nd story I have read about this poor woman and I still feel like I am reading it wrong. She was jailed for MISCARRYING. She did not intentionally cause the miscarriage. How was her so-called guilt in any way possible? The mind boggles.

I already called dibs, hills but will letchu know if we break up

My ring is made out of organically-grown, free-range lentils and the artisans who made it actually paid me to take it off their hands.

We bought a bio-locking safe for the gun I keep for home defense. It can only be opened with my fingerprint. Hopefully, my kid will never even see the safe. But if she does, I'm going to tell her that it's a trap for the souls of little children to be transported to the Containment Unit, where they don't get any toys…

I just recently found out Pamela Adlon was the voice of Bobby from King of the Hill and I don't know if I can ever recover.

I was SURE that lost cell phone one was going to be the plot of that Broad City where Abbi looses her phone.

Wait, PAID administrative leave?

I mean GOOD FOR HER.

I am 100% against the death penalty in any and all cases. That said, the idea that beheading is "barbaric" is just western racism.