John Travolta has been saying the same thing about the Oscars for months.

I couldn't get past the 4:20 mark. It was at that point that I thought about maybe if I were high I could get through it. But I can't go back to it, it's so boring and weird but again in a boring way.

I'm 31 and unmarried but I've been slowly accumulating Le Creuset and All Clad pans because I figure even if I don't get married I deserve the good pans.

Hey now. I fucking LOVE my Nutribullet. It makes really awesome shakes, white russians and margaritas. I don’t really know what else to use it for though.

Wait, “abortion means fewer people on Twitter” is meant to be an argument AGAINST it?

Upon hearing about the injuries, Martha shed a single tear, but to be fair, it’s been tattooed onto her cheek since prison.

Take it down a notch, Katrina.

I’m starting to think this Trump for President joke is getting a bit too far out of hand. It reminds me of 2008 all over again.

It seems the the fascisti want all women who wish to vote to have a permission slip signed by their fathers, husbands, or owners

That is 10 times more coherent than anything he said.

My favorite part of that is that according to at least one of those Twitter comments, that literally is all it took.

Looking at the photo of him after he was apprehended, I’m going to go ahead and wager a buck that he was drunk.

Oh, for fuck’s sake, Oprah. Stop it.

So happy to hear that little douche was found. I thought his defense was b.s. when I first heard it and he deserved the book thrown at him. Mom is just as bad.

Regardless of differences in parenting styles, I’m calling Madonna the bad guy in this because it’s obviously her people leaking all this shit to the press.

She has always said herself that she is extremely strict. No television, no junk food, I forget what else.

So my support was for his sisters, who were the real victims, I felt like they were being exploited by the media.

What could go wrong?

ANTHROPOMORPHIC FELT PUPPETS CAN’T MELT STEEL BEAMS