God, this article is such an incredible fucking bummer, because it is SUCH a missed opportunity.

Catholics don't object to evolution or dinosaurs, you're thinking of evangelical christians. Now if a kid was pitching, for a change, that would be ironic.

If buttsex is so unnatural, then why is poop dick-shaped?

We know how you feel.

Auburn has already requested copies of the Publix CCTV footage and will be reviewing the tape with its defense to see if they can learn anything from the Publix loss prevention team.

He's moving on from the grouper he had last year.

Do

Would have been far more effective in removing the lint had he started from the bottom.