Hard salary cap.

I think you are on cocaine or have a TBI from eating too much Pequod’s.

On a positive note, Jimbo can now check off “seeing the Eiffel Tower” on his bucket list. 

and the dogsitter was taking a shower.

2 men on the couch. 1 woman (the dog sitter) in the shower.
Sometimes Oreos aren’t the only things that are double stuffed.

“I’d like to apologize to him for making him feel like I violated his house”

Buttsex.  Jimbo saw buttsex

“Dude, calm down.”

Yes, these tweets definitely convince me that Zach Smith would never lose his temper and act rashly or try to intimidate the people around him. Clearly Zach Smith is a calm individual who only speaks or acts after much thought and careful deliberation about how he will affect others.

If anything, this only cements his reputation as a hot-head who cannot control his emotions. Way to control the narrative, Zach

I never realized he was completely and totally innocent and really the victim in all this! It’s nice of him to clarify the real story. He’s such a babe in the woods, it’s infuriating that everyone everywhere in the world is out to get him. Except me.

Did he at least make the Patriots pay for the wall?

Jerry Jones watched this country elect his buddy president, so he doesn’t THINK we’re stupid, he KNOWS we (collectively) are stupid enough to believe anything if its being said by a rich enough guy.

The deeper your faith, the dumber you are.

Did he say monkeys or monkas? I understand the last few letters can really up the stakes.

the depth of his faith

Police then showed up and arrested him

What a way to have a brush with the law.

Thank god it wasn’t brown paint.