“Joy to the world! / The cheese has come. Let Earth receive this cream! Let every stomach prepare more room. Let gouda and cheddar sing! Let mozza and feta sing! Let bri-e, let brieeee, let brie sing!”

I’m from the Detroit area, and I remember clearly when it happened. Part of the deal, too, was that it crashed right near a major expressway, and it was easy for TV crews to get clear lines of sight to the crash, so they covered it nonstop. And the plane was in tiny, tiny pieces. I remember the amazement when they…

I did Friendsgiving a couple times in my early twenties and the most important thing to remember is to actually make a fucking plan. Most people are going to have work up to Weds and if you wait until then to go shopping you may find a lot of random shit you want is out of stock. Celery goes fast (typical ingredient…

Friendsgiving is great. My 3 roommates and I used to host it every year the saturday before Thanksgiving weekend in our cheap city apartment. Everyone brought different food and beverages, we supplied the turkey, ham, keg of good beer, bigger keg of sport beer. Cleanup was a sticky bitch but we had quite the…

Don’t forget about some sort of entertainment both before and after the actual meal. Obviously, watching football is one thing to do, but a rousing game of Cards Against Humanity is also a great way to cap off the celebration.

I love having Friendsgiving. I’ve got my friends Evan, Jack, and Jim coming over. We might have some Turkey, too.

Our Turkey day plans:

We did a “No Turkey” Thanksgiving last year and that was a big hit since turkey is objectively the worst meat and everyone loves sides. This year we are just grilling a bunch of steaks. So much better

Then you should be working from home with Goggle. Some guy’s third cousin just bought a new BMW and made $4,667.00 this four weeks past by working from home with Google!

It’s the missionary position of pizza.

No one from Old or New Jersey calls it Joyzee. It’s the easiest way for us to identify out-of-towners to beat with sticks.

I remember watching a video once where two divorced people were sorting through dividing beanie babies in a court room. It was one of the saddest things I’ve ever seen.

I hope you get a custody battle between two furries. That will be AMAZING.

I’ve done a couple of pro bono divorce cases and it mostly consisted of both sides presenting each others’ texts and facebook profiles. For like 8 seconds I was all, “I’m not going to stoop to that level,” and then I was like, “He liked a post with a woman in a bikini! HE’S A WOMANIZER WHO CAN’T BE TRUSTED WITH THE…

Doesn’t matter. They give out a Nobel for economics every year. There are lots of Nobel-winning economists, but he specifically told her to go ask the one that is her husband. There is a whole long history of women not being allowed to do anything without the permission of their husbands. THAT is why this is a deeply…

In a competent organization, there’s room for a moron to hang around and hide among his more-skilled colleagues. This is how I approach every job I’ve ever had: I simply sit there and hope that everyone else does a really good job so that I don’t have to.

Ralph Nader has never married. Seems that there’s a reason for that.

It’s specifically because he told her to consult her husband that it’s patronizing.

I’m an associate attorney at a large family law firm. I spend an inordinate amount of time (for which I’m billing) combing through facebook and instagram profiles looking for bad shit my client’s ex and my client post on the internet.

were reported to the police by Walmart (fucking Walmart) when they went to get the photos developed.