Because penis.

I don’t get the snark here. He loves his wife, and appreciates her intelligence and that she shares some of his tastes.

You do not get to leave in the middle of 60 day inpatient rehab program for a sweet party and then just waltz back in hungover on Monday morning. That’s not how any of this works.

I did get a chance to relax.

“You know there’s all kinds of people that come out,”

Well, he’s measured 6’9.5” and 6’10” recently

Are you my girlfriend?

Because he’s an alcholic that’s fresh out of rehab and he’s about to lose EVERYTHING.

You can’t really be this dumb, right? Just a big Johnny Football fan with incredible blinders on? Please?

Ahhh, alcoholism. Looks like Johnny fled back to a college town in TX to try and recreate the good ol’ days. Back when drinking was fun and new.

they already had jimmy clausen though, back when he was called brady quinn

Did you miss the part where he went to inpatient rehab for alcohol abuse?

That’s great except for the “just got out of rehab” part and the “getting ready to piss away his NFL career” part.

I’m going to judge him for this.

BREAKING: COMBAT SPORTS ATTRACT AGGRESSIVE INDIVIDUALS

I promise it’s okay to enjoy this even if you like something else more.

“I didn’t even know he played for the Kings”. Whaaaaat. That’s like the only placed he really played, man.

White chocolate isn’t really made of chocolate.

Andy Van Slyke, Clayton Kershaw and Yasiel Puig, is an alphabetized list of human names.

Since it's really not very funny when people struggle with substance abuse problems, I will say...get well and good luck, sir.