Gwyneth Paltrow is obviously ridiculous. Saying that white people don’t have culture is also ridiculous.

.... haven’t pulled this one out in a while, but; Dear Mr. Lasner and Dear Husband of Mr. Lasner,

yeah she’s basically Phoebe Price now

I’m the same way. People really need to chill out.

I’ve been saying happy holidays forever, because it covers the entire spectrum of holidays, including New Years. People need to get the fuck over themselves.

That poor tree. Killed to make about the ugliest Christmas Tree ever.

He prefers to skirt the issue. A real round about way to chuck an idea into the brisket.

since he cant sell burgers at his restaurant and can’t sell his steaks at sharper image, he has to take his beef to twitter.

things i like, by me.

Do you think Susan Sarandon will ever get to a point when she’ll think: “Oh yeah. I fucked that up.” Because I’m betting on NAH.

Octopuses!

My vote is for Dolphins:

Perhaps when we humans kill ourselves off, a better species will take over. My money is on penguins

Her face makes me sad inside.

I’m confident the house comes with a battalion of ghost governesses.

Fuck Oprah and her constant Christian proselytizing.

Eh, it’s not for everyone. Makes one of my girlfriends really paranoid so it’s not her thing. Everything effects everyone differently.

It’s that same voice that says, “No, you can totally make the jump from the roof to the pool. No problem, you got this!”

You’re an alcoholic.