Elected official, she can’t be fired, has to be impeached...

Just get it over with and lock her up. Appoint an interim who will follow the law...

In a roundabout way he did:

I would assume he’ll use the Manning brothers: Eli because he “beat Brady twice”, Payton because he’s got better stats outside Super Bowl wins? Aaron Rodgers because discount double check? I don’t know...

Except for the molestation part...

You’ve never heard of ISIS?

Brought to you by Frungy, the Sport of Kings!

God I loved that game so much...

I think there are enough teams desperate for QB “depth” that if the Touchdown Messiah isn’t with the Eagles he’ll be somewhere else...

Yeah, like he said, cut... :P

Welcome to Deadspin! Protip: every team gets this treatment every season...

2 Problems there:

The Eagles will be at MetLife that weekend

“Jawn Paul” was 2 popes ago...

By blessed you mean being thrown into a police state nightmare, right?

Well, we’ve been collecting Jets cast-offs lately as it is, so why not?

No, we just have the tourists fooled into eating that shit. (Wiz and Pat’s/Geno’s)

The rest of us go to DiNic’s for a Roast Pork or D’Allessandro’s for a Cheesesteak with Provolone...

Shut up, we love living in our own misery... :P

I still wonder how much Spygate went on for that one, though...

Nope, you’ve got a pretty fair and accurate appraisal of the situation there...

Factcheck more, please?

http://paleofuture.gizmodo.com/heres-video-of…

I’m guessing you’re either a Giants fan living in South Jersey or a Cowboys fan who has never lived in Texas. Am I right?

Bonus points if you’re a Cowboys fan who also likes the Yankees...

This is exactly why Eagles fans hate Eagles fans more than anyone else. Although the trend seems to be that there’s at least one for each team so far...

Dude, who the fuck is your source and how much does he charge? I need to get myself some of that shit for the weekend.