With that handle, I hope I never live next to you, good sir.

Can I listen to Thriller while you decide what happened in my life?

Just because your kid wouldn’t say it doesn’t mean mine didn’t. Because, you know, differences.

Believe what you want, but I do this for a living, we carry three bedspreads and duvets for every room so they can be washed.

Since I was there, the only thing embellished was that he didnt say my brother, he said his name. Which I decided not to put in the email. Good talk though.

“finally outlining exactly how the best hacking in baseball happened”

This is the funniest shit I’ve seen all year.