Five Lakers: [play man-to-man defense]

Most people lay their head down on a pillow and dream of someday being an Olympian. Olympians lay their head down and dream of someday having a pillow.

True to its word, Russia will stop at nothing to make sure teammates don't get down.

"Ugh. I hate when they stop flushing."

"and those sheets had been taken away for cleaning, and hadn't come back."
This seems to be Russia's solution to everything.

"God damnit, Sergei - I was perfectly clear. I said race cars or X-Men! How fucking hard is—

Contrary to popular opinion, it really does matter how you slice it. Start just below the rear 22 and work your way about a quarter of the way through for the tenderloin. In a pinch, the meat just behind the River Monsters logo is, also, quite succulent.

"I field several times a day the question is Jared coming back? "

Pontifex Diabetus

ESPNBDSM

Just a friendly reminder from your neighborhood Big Brother to wait until your morning wood dissipates before you piss.

• Relax!

• Please sit to use the toilet

I think Jason Keidel, who obviously doesn't molest children, really needs to put out a few columns on the subject to disprove to all those idiots that think JASON KEIDEL MOLESTS CHILDREN.

Well, statistically, if a player plays three seasons, five years is lifetime coverage.

Finally, VD is getting some medical attention.

At least the questions were different than the ones people usually badger him with: Do you remember what happened? Do you know where you are? Who's the president?

Oh Mr. Judgmental, what's worse: a guy peeing in public, or someone who takes a picture of a guy peeing in public, goes home, uploads it to his computer, saves it in a folder called work stuff/2009 audit/accountant copy/backup, kisses his wife, puts the kids to bed, settles in to watch tv, falls asleep on the couch,…

She's probably standing so close because she wants to refill her beer.

"However valid their grievances, I've come to fully understand that whatever Northwestern proposes, it must antithetical to our current business model."