I am so happy I grew up in New England, where not only do people have the good manners not to get close to you (unless on public transportation), but also not talk to or look at you. Now I’m in the Midwest and every trip to the grocery store is exhausting because people feel the need to stand too close to me and try…

Public transit is an exception to a point. Standing in line in the grocery store is not. There is absolutely no reason someone needs to be that close to me.

My mom used to have this friend who was a close talker and she’d back me into things talking to her because I’d inch back to protect the integrity of my space bubble and she’d inch forward. Once this resulted in me kind of awkwardly bending backward over the couch while she leaned into my face. NO.

Also, if you don’t feel like you can tell the therapist that this makes you uncomfortable—seems like you might want to reconsider the therapist. I am 1 for 4 on therapists. One did me a world of good. Two had me help them with personal legal matters, and one harangued me for “turning my back on God.” I now am…

Sorry about that - it wasn't the older part that shook me, it was the sudden over-familiarity with a widely-recognized authority figure. Like if I were watching TV with the Dali Lama and reached for the remote and instead brushed up against his nuts. I'm gonna throw my shovel over the top of my hole and quit while I'm…

Yeah, I don't like hugging my family either. Only boyfriends and very close friends.

If I can hold my arms out in any direction and you are closer than that? You had better be a family member I have allowed to be in the space. Like when we learned knife skills in Girl Scouts and you had to establish your safety circle (twirl around with your arms out, no one was allowed closer than that). My Safety…

I dread hugs with like 90% of all people. Usually a pre-emptive handshake or high five will ward them off, but my therapist hugs me at the end of all my sessions and it makes me profoundly uncomfortable but I don’t particularly want to talk about that in therapy so I just let it go. Sigh...

Sometimes going in for a hug has unintended consequences. Went in for a hug with my mother-in-law one Christmas eve and unintentionally brushed my hand across one of her breasts due to an unfortunate mis-choreographed docking maneuver. My left hand still cringes involuntarily at the memory. Moral of the story: “don’t…

what is this comment

Uh-huh.

You can take the bristles out of the base for washing.

You can take the bristles out of the base for washing.

Paper is madder. Elle rarely aspires to creativity so it’s just like, shrug, sigh. *flips a magazine page elegantly*

Trick question. No one cares about Blac Chyna.

Seriously. We’re all one used teddy bear or couch away from a lifetime of nightmares.

AAaAaarraAARRrrAAArrGGGgghhhhhh!!!!

2 words. Bed Bugs

Because of the constitutionally-protected rights to free speech and free association.

It sounds like they don’t have enough people around telling them “no.”

Except most teenagers don’t get their pretentious cluelessness published in a magazine. I’d be fine with these two not having that privilege either.