I think River would have been the Golden Child and Joaquin would do the weird roles (which he kinda does anyway). In a just world, Joaquin would be Beau. River's style was so much calmer and internalized. Joaquin is just hammy.

For those of us who don't want to watch the entire lead-up to Lisa Bonnet, her introduction begins at about minute 13.

I'm more interested in the fact that she has, more or less, chosen to stay quiet all these years. Why? I don't know. Probably because dealing with the press is too much of a hassle. If I had to guess, she wrote that tweet in moment of delicious schadenfreude and then thought better of it.

Seems like Letterman thought Bill Cosby was Lisa Bonet's real father. That interview was a bit gross and patronizing.

WHY HELLO, GIANT ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM!

Well, if I was a woman in New York with one child already and another on the way and had recently taken a trip to visit my mother, I might have some suspicions.

Oh my GOD here in my part of Texas there was some poor woman who worked a gas station and I guess she was just so ridiculously hot that literally every week 2-3 guys would post Missed Connections ads about her. Meanwhile, she's happily married with a kid, right? But she's CONSTANTLY bombarded with these emails from…

me. Red Tabby, no collar or tags,spayed female, loud meow. You crazy cat lady with cheese flavored treats.

I hate it when I'm trying to put peanut butter on my ferret and he's just not having it.

"This is my treat," he said, something he would announce proudly and often in the days to come. When a young man passing by eyed us up and down, he wrapped his arm around my waist and said, "He's wondering what a girl like you is doing with someone like me."

Oh shit! How come shit like this never happens in my part of North Texas?

What the hell?! I mean WHAT THE HELL? This dude is scum. If I was the woman I would tell his wife everything!! This poor woman is going off to visit family and her crappy husband is wining and dining some other woman? Some woman that he basically trapped on Craigslist?! Ugh some men suck such balls....I can't…

"I chose you," he said, explaining to her that he had a thing for redheads (Oh good, never mind then about being a cheating asshole). "You were special." Everyone, please grab your eyeballs before they roll into the back of your head. (Coincidentally his infatuation and interest with her disappeared as soon as his…

"I hate both of them!"

Mason was the kid who pooped his pants regularly in my 4th grade class. We had to play a math game that involved switching seats, and it was like a curse to have to sit in Mason's chair. So to me, Mason is the name of a pants-pooper forevermore.

Michael Ian Black Wins! FATALITY!

They want to defend Lena and the only way to do so is to omit.

Be both. Dream big!