I was watching Inherent Vice the other day and got so fucking BORED I started daydreaming about what would have happened had poor River Phoenix lived. Do you think he would have had the shining career his brother has now or would he be the Beau Bridges to Jeff Bridges? Watching him on Donohue just now made me a…

where my Olivers and Evies at?!? I swear every single person I know named their kids Oliver and some long form of Evie (Everly, Evelynne, Everlynne) this year. Oh yeah and lest we forget the Rivers in the house!!!

My birth coach said a breast milk poopy diaper just smelled like "wet dirt". Imagine my surprise when the baby was born and it did not smell like wet dirt at all. Cut to 10 months later and a lot of solid food and these poops are next level bombs. Yesterday he pooped on an airplane and I thought the guy next to me…

I'm with you. Did it once in the closed bar area of a restaurant in a booth. The manager saw me and told me it wasn't ok and I said he probably had dirtier things on the seat than a changing pad and much dirtier things in the air than a Breastmilk pee soaked diaper. He sucked it up but I guess I learned my lesson to…

Nope. It's just not ok to leave a small child alone in a car like that. A kid can go anywhere with you and it takes two seconds to buckle them in and out of their seat. If a person can't deal with it then they should run errands while they have someone to watch the kid at home.

the weird part is she COULD be doing any one of those things. Given her history of lots and lots and mostly lies I just take everything as a lie and if it turns out to be true (which is more rare than a UFO sighting) I get a nice surprise.

dunno if I wrote that right - all those things are totally made up. That came across right? I can't think straight trying to use kinja on my phone.

My cousin is a compulsive liar like that. She currently has a job making $180k per year as the CEO of a tech start up and is moving in to a mansion rent free. Oh and she is aso doing a lingerie line and a jewelry line and decorating a new five star hotel and might get Tracy chapman to sing at her dad's funeral.…

I had a roommate that used to charge me .25 per bite of ice cream that I had out of her pints. I would eat it just to have to dole out the quarters. I found the act of paying her incredibly entertaining!

I've got a story about a poo towel. Let's be friends!

so my roommate (who is to this day one of my best friends and favorite peoples all around) told a guy who she worked at a shitty restaurant with that he could stay in our guest room (this is LA so we had a spare room) while he transitioned between apartments. The thing was she didn't run it by us first, us being our…

MALLORY FTW

Alan- The Original Thickebag

ugh. I'm sorry. That was totally insensitive of me. I got caught up in the gossiping. I personally believe that less makeup is always better and is a sign of self confidence (which is always sexy). I love you just the way you are!!!

I think you are totally right. I remember the first time I saw my best friend in seventh grade without makeup- I seriously did not recognize her. And we were TIGHT. Sometimes a made up face is the face that you know best and feel most comfortable in.

ok 35 year old former teen model here (not joking). I learned how to do my hair and makeup from professionals right out the gate at 14 and have not changed my basic routine in 10 years (tho I am definitely buying a BB cream after reading the comments). This is what works for me and takes five minutes:

an ex went on tour with her in the mid nineties and said she has REALLY bad skin. Like so bad that she was not attractive to him at all. Poor Gwen then got super famous and landed a hunk and it's facade for life.

I am so with you on the white. Not that I care (really I don't!!! Ok I do) but a lot of people don't even find white wedding dresses fashionable these days. When I got married to mister bigEd I wore hot purple and I hadn't had any super train wreck highly publicized marriages.

as a parent of an almost crawling infant I find that horrifying!!! Holy shit. And to think I wasn't going to out J**** as "the gay one". But seriously who is the gay one? There has to be at least one right???