When my daughter was little I daily-drove a 68 LeMans convertible. Every now and then we’d give mom a break, and some of my best times with her were cruising around with the top down, listening to Zeppelin and talking. I’m an attentive, careful driver, and we it’s not like we were on the Belt Parkway at midnight…

I you’re not an apartment dweller, go out in your yard and do it. I don’t waste a freezer bag, it doesn’t matter if chicken juice gets all over the lawn, and it allows me to tell my wife “I’m going outside to beat my meat” which never gets old.

These things are on autopilot nowadays. The fans are all racist drunk idiots who dress poorly. The city they play in is awful because _____. (And if it’s not, the people there are stuck up fartsniffers about their city). Racism. The coach/owner/announcer is funny-looking. (Insert local delicacy) is terrible. …

Drew has been my FF franchise player his entire career. It drove the rest of the guys in my league so nuts they tried to change our franchise-player rules. I love that mole-ridden bastard and his 420-yard 4TD games.

Angel Hernandez saw the writing on the wall and filed a discrimination lawsuit. Maybe Joe will do so as well, citing sizism.

Oh yeah. I always get that nexus mixed up.

I was down there late September one year when the Mets and Braves were fighting it out for a playoff spot, and playing a weekend series. At this humongous sports bar Saturday night we had to plead with the staff to put the baseball game on one shitty side TV. The manager said no one gave a shit about the Braves, who…

It was very disappointing. I was looking forward to it - I liked comics and Conan and Star Wars and Star Trek so I was into that sort of thing. Jocks and “popular” kids are stereotyped as the stuck up, cliquey ones but these guys were dicks to me for no reason other than I was invading “their” thing.

Y’know where the lettuce and tomato belong? In the garbage. Or in a salad you force down before you enjoy your burger as it is meant to be: with 1/4 lb of cheese and some onions. And ketchup if you’re 10 years old, chronologically or mentally.

Some of my friends in HS were D&D guys and they invited me to play. I brought a twelve-pack to be sociable because that’s what I did with all my other friends. Mistake #1. Then they insisted I be a Fighting Man because they had already glommed up all the neato things like wizard and elf and giant and what-have-you.…

My buddy wears his off-duty 9mm in a belt holster on his hip. He always wears an untucked shirt, and if it’s cooler than 70 a sports jacket or something. So it’s it’s kinda hidden but still noticeable. an excellent compromise, and I wish I could have one.

Buffalo had those 4 Super Bowl appearances and were a great team, they just never closed the deal. Cleveland had Jim Brown and was a force in the 50s. Both are ranked too high (low?).

Why do we have to touch each other at all? I don’t know where your hands have been. I eat lunch at my desk and inevitably almost every day a vendor or someone will come by and greet me and stick out his diseased, feces-laden mitt so I can grasp it and get e coli on my hand. Then I have to wait until they leave so I…

In college I used to black out so deeply and so long it was basically an alter ego. We called him DrunkenMan. I was like Bruce Banner except Banner would at least have an inkling of what the Hulk did. DrunkenMan would meet people and party with them for hours, hook up with girls, go out to dinner, get in fights...…

Namecalling and insults are the majority of your post. Your teachers would be so proud to see such critical thinking at work. The veritable Aristotle of Gawker.

There is only one reason to drink Genny Cream: if you are constipated.

You didn’t even have to be commissioner, you just had to put in effort. Now everyone is on an even playing field with a couple of clicks. Comes in handy for people like me who no longer watch or even give a shit about the NFL. I’ve won three championships in the past 12 years and I probably haven’t watched 10 games…

I’d give Mike Piazza a ring just for THAT home run.

...but the act of checking into a hotel triggers the need to poop.

It’s a combo of not following your routine, and diet - who’s eating vegetables down the shore? And drinking zero water. I went five days once and thought I was going to explode.